Things only Police Officers say

[john row]

"Just how big were those two beers?



"Your life is not my fault."



"The handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."



"Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."



"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."



"Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second?



"So, you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"



"Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I AM the shift supervisor?"



"Warning?! You want a warning? Okay, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket.



"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?



"Fair?! You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in it.



"No, sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want.



"I know, I know! Your kid is an honor student at the juvenile detention center.



"I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail.



"No, I don't believe they should use the electric chair; I think they need to use electric bleachers.



"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.



"Life's tough; it's tougher if you're stupid.



"In God we trust; all others are suspects."

[SpyderNut]

ROFLAO!! <img src="tongue.gif" width=15 height=15 align=middle border=0><img src="smile.gif" width=15 height=15 align=middle border=0><img src="wink.gif" width=15 height=15 align=middle border=0> Hee hee! Those are pretty good, John!

[glockman99]

John,

I'm a retired Deputy Sheriff, so I KNOW that those are ALL the truth...In-fact, I've used a few of those phrases myself a few times!

Dann Fassnacht Aberdeen, WA glockman99@hotmail.com ICQ: 53675663

[Sword and Shield]

So... you had 2 glasses of beer. The glasses wouldn't have been pitchers, would they? <img src="wink.gif" width=15 height=15 align=middle border=0>

Keepin' it real...real sharp, that is.

[glasshartt]

John,

OK, who's been giving away all of our good lines? <img src="wink.gif" width=15 height=15 align=middle border=0> I once heard of a Texas trooper who, after a short chase, thought he was being a smart-a$$ and asked the driver for his Pilot's license. Imagine the look on his face when the driver gave the trooper his pilot's license. Needless to say, the driver didn't get a ticket. <img src="wink.gif" width=15 height=15 align=middle border=0>

Linda

<img src="http://www.spyderco.com/forum/spyder.gif" border=O> Integrity is being good even if no-one else is watching <img src="http://www.spyderco.com/forum/spyder.gif" border=O>

[john row]

OK, confession time. Obviously the humor that gets passed around on the internet is posted over and over by people. I was doing a search on a writer named Colin Fletcher, who is probably best known for the wonderful, humorous books on backpacking (The Complete Backpacker I, II, III, and IV, The River: One Man's Journey Down The Colorado; From The Source To The Sea, The Man Who Walked Through Time - about walking the majority of the length of the Grand Canyon, The Secret Worlds of Colin Fletcher and The Thousand Mile Summer - Mr Fletcher walked the Length of the US western coast. If you have ANY interest in hiking, backpacking, the outdoors you've probably read Colin Fletcher. If not, you should!!!

SAMO, if you haven't read Fletcher, his work is right up your alley! I think you will appreciate him and his writing.

ANYWAY, I came across a site called "Wood's Hoods" and found some great humerous posts. Oh BTW, a well known Forumite Big Target hangs out there. I entirely stumbled upon this site by accident! Good folks there.

http://pub1.ezboard.com/fhoodlumsy2krum ... eparations

John

Gee Mr Glesser, them sure are pretty knives!

[dialex]

Boy, once again it seems that reality beats imagination. Some of them are really cool! I think I'll go for Fletcher's books now <img src="smile.gif" width=15 height=15 align=middle border=0>

[cmassicotte]

John -- Very interesting website.

And now I know what "Big Target" has been raving about... etc.

chuck

The journey is the best part of getting there

[Mickey]

"DO IT NOW!"