So you think English is easy?

[Dr. Snubnose]

So You think English is easy???


1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce.

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present

8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row...

13) They were too close to the door to close it..

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France . Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig..
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You lovers of the English language might enjoy this .

There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is 'UP'

It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP ? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP ? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report ?

We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver; we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car. At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special.

And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP. We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.

We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP. To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions. If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more. When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP ...

When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP.

When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP.

One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP , for now my time is UP , so........it is time to shut UP ! .....Doc :D

[ChrisR]

Yeah, my girlfriend is Russian and their words are pretty much pronounced as you read them (with a few exceptions for accent and emphasis) because their Cyrillic alphabet was designed to give a letter to every sound they needed to use. The biggest problem with her reading of English is getting her head around the idea that the way we write words is just a guide and often you just have to know how to say it :D But having 2 words spelled the same but with different meanings and pronounced differently according to context just blows her mind :p

[npueppke]

Yeah, my girlfriend is Russian and their words are pretty much pronounced as you read them (with a few exceptions for accent and emphasis) because their Cyrillic alphabet was designed to give a letter to every sound they needed to use. The biggest problem with her reading of English is getting her head around the idea that the way we write words is just a guide and often you just have to know how to say it :D But having 2 words spelled the same but with different meanings and pronounced differently according to context just blows her mind :p

I'm studying in an international but english speaking group this semester and they say the same thing too. The hardest part about English is that words are not pronounced the way that they are written. I think this is even worse in UK dialects.

[SkullBouncer]

That post is GOLDEN (sic)

Thanks, Doc -- those all cracked me UP..!! ;-D


/ SB

[SolidState]

I've learned a few languages over time, and what really became surprising to me about English is the number of things we take. It is a language of conquest. Whereas in Latin languages one bathes themselves, typically we take a bath. Think of all the things you can take in English and it becomes pretty clear. This phenomenon is quite specific to English.

I love this thread. I'm going to print the sentences out and make my international coworkers read them aloud. I have a feeling this will be hours of fun, even though it will TAKE time. Maybe when we TAKE a break, they will TAKE a look.

[JLS]

I'm fairly fluent in Spanish and for a while taught some ESL classes to people. That is what taught me a different side of the English language than all of my schooling had.

When you have to explain examples like those above to a room full of confused faces, you begin to see that English is not well thought out. It is, in fact, a conglomeration of tidbits from conquering armies and cultures over the course of hundreds of years. Then we Americans took hold of it and made it something different from where it was, just ask a real Englishman or woman.

Although Spanish is a more beautiful language in sound and structure, I find it to be far less efficient than English. You just have to deal with some of it's inherent "issues".

[sarguy]

I've always had an interest in languages and socioliguistics. English is an odd sort, not that other languages aren't as odd (Finnish: 14 noun cases?). It's seeming status as "the melting pot" language (even in its inception) will continue to generate some raised eyebrows. I always found Firefly and Serenity interesting because of the amalgam of Chinese and English, apparently due to the U.S. and China being the biggest economic players at that point in Earth's fictional history. I'm sure there are more qualified people on this board than I, but personally the real feat in learning a language was untangling the web of thought patterns constructed by worldview and social influence which the etic learner has not been privy to.

I have to say, if I could go back and give myself advice, I'd have taken advantage of foreign exchange programs in high school and college for picking up a foreign language. My next choice was the military DLI (of which Spyderco's Michael Janich has graduated from. Twice.), but that never panned out, either.

Two fun books on language and culture:
http://www.amazon.com/American-Shaolin- ... 1592402623
http://www.amazon.com/Biting-Wax-Tadpol ... 109&sr=1-1

A nifty website on learning language and its trials: http://how-to-learn-any-language.com/e/index.html

And, of course, Mr. Janich's book (pardon the plug. I'm not affiliated in any way): http://www.staysafemedia.com/product.php?proid=38 I thought it was quite well done and came in handy during Spanish classes.

[tonydahose]

you guys ever take a look at engrish.com some of the pics are pretty funny :p .

[Monkeywrangler]

The neat thing about English is you can probably stand on a street corner anywhere in the world, and start calling for help, and someone will eventually come speak with you in a comprehensible (possibly somewhat mangled) version of English and YOU will be able to understand them. It's the closest thing to a Lingua Franca in the world today.

[Pneumothorax]

Funny post, Doc. There is a classic I Love Lucy where Ricky is reading a bedtime story to little Ricky...
He mispronounces Boughs (as in tree branches) as Boojes. Lucy corrects him - "Bow".
THen he mispronounces Enough as Enow (similar to bough). Lucy corrects him - "Enuff".
THen he mispronounces Through as Thruff. Lucy corrects him - "Throo".
Ricky then gives up w/ some commentary on the crazy English language (or something like that). It was pretty funny to watch.

[Ookami]

Cool post, Doc!

Learning English is easy at first and becomes more difficult. More and more difficult details will come up which have to be mastered.


Ookami
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TOYOTA ECHO SPECIFICATIONS

[ChrisR]

Learning English is easy at first and becomes more difficult. More and more difficult details will come up which have to be mastered.

Yeah, my Russian girlfriend can testify to that - she made superb progress in spoken English by learning a lot of vocabulary quickly. But then she plateaued off when she had to start to think harder about grammar and how many rules and broken rules we have :rolleyes: Written English is also a lot harder than spoken, with all our crazy spelling.

[Ookami]

How's your Russian? Do you tell your GF "ya lyooblyoo tebya?" or are you missing your best chance of learning Russian?


Ookami
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DLD ENGINE

[ChrisR]

How's your Russian? Do you tell your GF "ya lyooblyoo tebya?" or are you missing your best chance of learning Russian?

Moi Russiki ochen plohoi :rolleyes: But seriously, we have spent most time teaching her English because she can use it on a daily basis, rather than teaching me Russian, which I'd find no great use for ... besides talking to her or the occasional holiday back in Russia. I read the cyrillic anyway and I know enough to get by :) Russian, by comparison to English is a very hard language to learn ... my girlfriend says that most Russians don't actually speak it all that well :S

[Ookami]

I see. I didn't have that much of a hard time learning Russian at school, but then again Russian has a grammar that works similar to German grammar. My Russian has been neglected for a long time, but I can still tell that your attempt at saying that your Russian is very bad is agrammatical. :p

Anyway, I have mastered English to near-native proficiency despite differences in grammar, so you will surely be able to improve your Russian, even if it is only to make a favorable impression on your in-laws.

Btw, I don't think that learning another language is a waste of time - ever. It will give you a much wider horizon. Recently, I was on a research trip in Japan and I was lucky that I could understand, speak and read Japanese. In Japan most of the time during English lessons is spent on reading proficiency which would have left me with attempts at sign language, had I relied on my English skills alone and German wouldn't have gotten me any farther.


Ookami
________
Suzuki dr-z series

[ChrisR]

I can still tell that your attempt at saying that your Russian is very bad is agrammatical. :p

I wouldn't disagree :D I just have a few words and phrases really - plus the alphabet.

Having a foreign language is a very useful skill but I think, like a lot of things, some people have an aptitude for learning languages and others don't - I am in the second category and have never been able to master languages other than my own. :) There are also so many other things to do in life too and I have always been more of a scientist at heart :)

[Agent Starling]

great thread...though I do believe they missed one here:

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row past the row of ducks...

You guys think modern-day English is bad, ever try reading middle English a la Shakespeare's time? Methinks it is awesome, what little I can comprehend... :eek: :confused: :spyder:

Agent Starling :D

[Azad]

English... Where every rule has an exception.

[Ookami]

You guys think modern-day English is bad, ever try reading middle English a la Shakespeare's time?

Old English is even better. It is much more similar to German than to modern English. :D


Ookami
________
Easy vape

[Kuolema]

I'm an English major because, as this post demonstrates, it's an amazing language.

Like clay you can shape to whatever you'd like.

You can spend a life time studying it, learning it, and still be no closer to mastering it than when you started.

I wouldn't give it up for the world.