Hospital Chart Bloopers!

[Dr. Snubnose]

HOSPITAL CHART BLOOPERS. These are actual writings from various hospital charts.

1. The patient refused an autopsy.
2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
4. She has no rigors of shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
6. On the second day, the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.
7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
9. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
12. She is numb from her toes down.
13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated, and sent home.
14. The skin was moist and dry.
15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
21. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
23. Skin: somewhat pale but present.
24. The pelvis exam will be done later on the floor.
25. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

[potterma]

Thanks, I needed that! :D

[smcfalls13]

24. The pelvis exam will be done later on the floor.

Really?

What hospital is this? :rolleyes:

Great stuff Doc :D

[spydo]

11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
12. She is numb from her toes down.
19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
25. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

These are the best
:D :D :D
Thanks. What a laugh.

[Piet.S]

A lot of people die in hospitals.

[Cameron23]

Funny thing is I can see how most of those got written...even the ones without the typos. :)

C :spyder:

[Simon G]

No17!! :eek: :eek: :eek:

[JaM]

:D Good one !

[The Deacon]

17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

:eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: LMAO

[224477]

Thanks for the fun of the day Doc. :D

[TheKnifeCollector]

THAT my friend WAS funny!!! Too funny!! I love that kind of stuff!!

[rotbimmer]

I love stuff like that. Below is a sampling of some of the more interesting test answers from students collected by science and health teachers at various grade levels, printed in Popular Science magazine. It's funny how I (and most people I'm sure) actually know what these kids are trying to say! :D

When you breath, you inspire. When you don't breath, you expire.
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.
When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.
For head colds, use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops into your throat.
The moon is a planet just like Earth, only deader.
Artificial insemination is what the farmer does to the cow instead of the bull.
Dew is formed on leaves when sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
To collect fumes of sulfur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube.
Equator: A managerie lion running around Earth through Africa.
To remove dust from your eye, pull the eye down over the nose.
Momentum. What you give a person when they are going away.
Nitrogen is not found in Ireland, because it is not found in a free state.
Three kids of blood vessels are arteries, vanes, and caterpillars.
Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin & Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydogin is gin and water.
A super saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.
Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
The body consists of three parts--the branium, the borax, and the abominable cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the borax
contains the bowls, of which there are five--a, e, i, o, and u.
The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana.
The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch meat to.
The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends toward the moon, because nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cuspids, two molars, and eight cuspidors.
For fainting: Rub the person's chest or, if a lady, rub her arm above the hand instead. Or put the head between the knees of the nearest medical doctor.
Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
Before giving a transfusion, find out if the blood is negative or affirmative.
Liter: A nest of young puppies. Centimeter: A long insect with 100 legs.
Magnet: Something you can find crawling over a dead cat.
H20 is hot water. CO2 is cold water.
Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot.
Vacuum: A large, empty space where the pope lives.
Respiration is composed of inspiration and then expectoration.
For a nosebleed: Put the nose lower than the body until the heart stops.
To prevent contraception use a condominium.
Blood flows down one leg and up the other.

[snuffaluff]

those are hilarious!! My eyes watering from laughing so hard!!!

[fret]

I laughed so much my eyes are watering. :D

[Th232]

...It's funny how I (and most people I'm sure) actually know what these kids are trying to say!

When you breath, you inspire. When you don't breath, you expire.

Makes sense both ways, too!

I'm sure this one's been seen before,

At a Santa Fe gas station:
"We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container."
In a New York restaurant:
"Customers who consider our waitresses uncivil ought to see the manager."
On the wall of a Baltimore estate:
"Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.
--Sisters of Mercy"
On a long-established New Mexico dry cleaners:
"38 years on the same spot."
In a Los Angeles dance hall:
"Good clean dancing every night but Sunday."
In a Florida maternity ward:
"No children allowed."
In a New York drugstore:
"We dispense with accuracy."
In the offices of a loan company:
"Ask about our plans for owning your home."
In a New York medical building:
"Mental Health Prevention Center"
On a New York convalescent home:
"For the sick and tired of the Episcopal Church."
On a Maine shop:
"Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and workmanship."
At a number of military bases:
"Restricted to unauthorized personnel."
On a display of "I love you only" Valentine cards:
"Now available in multi-packs."
In the window of a Kentucky appliance store:
"Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work."

[Dr. Snubnose]

LMAO....you guys are too much!!! Doc :D

[Zerileous]

LMAO....you guys are too much!!! Doc :D

Overheard In New York is great. Lots of funny double entendres and out of context gossip.
*adult language and content*

***.overheardinnewyork.com