Yesterday afternoon, one of our model citizens was stabbed eight times in the back with one of the shears in the correctional industries shop, where he works.
Rather than report what happened, he made it back to his cell and packed his wounds full of toilet paper in an effort to stop the bleeding. It's common for inmates to try to doctor themselves up, rather than go to the Hole.
At any rate, he went down to the chow hall after count to try to get a meal, and apparently was bleeding profusely, which drew the attention of the local authorities.
Long story short, he was medevacked out by chopper last evening for extreme blood loss. The state police were in coducting their investigation last night.
Now for the Stupidity....
This is a true story. I swear.
A few days ago, Officer "H" was working one of our towers (we have nine). The large door to the prison's Sally Port jammed up. Procedure is for the tower officer to lower the keys so the Sally Port officers can unlock the box and retrieve the manual gate crank to operate the gate manually.
Well, "H" should have gotten the keys, taken them out onto the cat walk to drop them down safely to the officer below. Now "H" is a rather fat and lazy specimen, to put it mildly. He simply opened up the window to the tower and threw the keys out the window.
Now normally, one listens and one hears the keys hit the ground, as the ring weighs several pounds. This was not the case. You see, the keys caught on one of the many strands of razor wire that now adorn the prison's 35-foot-tall wall. And that's where they stayed. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Do not get out of jail free.
Thusly, the Sally Port was immobilized, and deliveries were unable to enter the prison, nor leave. Maintenance had to be summoned with a ladder to retrieve the keys. Since this was the coldest day of the year, with an invigorating 35-mile-per-hour breeze blowing, they were thrilled at the prospect of crawling up a very tall ladder while nearly being blown off in the bitter cold.
I'm sure a good time was had by all. I do know that "H"'s antics were quickly known far and wide throughout the prison. News travels quickly, don'tcha know!
You know, I wouldn't believe many of my stories had I not seen it firsthand, with mine own eyes.
