I woke up last night to go to the bathroom . I had a drink of water and turned on iPad and read all your puns . I came up with that one off the top of my head at almost 1:00 in the morning. Thought you would like it . Dan
Re: Family friendly jokes
Posted: Wed Feb 16, 2022 8:58 am
by Doc Dan
Earle and Bubba were sitting in the boat, chewing tobacco, drinking beer, and fishing.
Bubba said, "I think I'm gonna divorce my wife. She ain't spoke to me in two months."
Earle spit over the side and took a drink of beer and then said, "Better think that over, some. Women like that are hard to find."
Earle and Bubba were sitting in the boat, chewing tobacco, drinking beer, and fishing.
Bubba said, "I think I'm gonna divorce my wife. She ain't spoke to me in two months."
Earle spit over the side and took a drink of beer and then said, "Better think that over, some. Women like that are hard to find."
that is too funny ! Dan
Re: Family friendly jokes
Posted: Wed Feb 16, 2022 7:58 pm
by Doc Dan
Three Apple engineers and three Microsoft engineers are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three Microsoft engineers each buy tickets and watch as the three Apple engineers buy only a single ticket. "How are three people going to travel on only one ticket? "asks a Microsoft engineer." Watch and you'll see, "answers the Apple engineer.
They all board the train. The Microsoft engineers take their respective seats but all three Apple engineers cram into a rest room and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the rest room door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The Microsoft engineers saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the Microsoft engineers decide to copy the Apple engineers (as they always do) on the return trip and save some money.
When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the Apple engineers don't buy a ticket at all. "How are you going to travel without a ticket?" Asks one perplexed Microsoft engineer . "Watch and you'll see," answers an Apple engineer. When they board the train the three Microsoft engineers cram into a rest room and the three Apple engineers cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the Apple engineers leaves his rest room and walks over to the rest room where the Microsoft employees are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please ..."
Re: Family friendly jokes
Posted: Wed Feb 16, 2022 7:59 pm
by Doc Dan
A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.
Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."
The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how he had done it.
"I knew it had to be the Microsoft Building, because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer."
Three Apple engineers and three Microsoft engineers are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three Microsoft engineers each buy tickets and watch as the three Apple engineers buy only a single ticket. "How are three people going to travel on only one ticket? "asks a Microsoft engineer." Watch and you'll see, "answers the Apple engineer.
They all board the train. The Microsoft engineers take their respective seats but all three Apple engineers cram into a rest room and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the rest room door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The Microsoft engineers saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the Microsoft engineers decide to copy the Apple engineers (as they always do) on the return trip and save some money.
When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the Apple engineers don't buy a ticket at all. "How are you going to travel without a ticket?" Asks one perplexed Microsoft engineer . "Watch and you'll see," answers an Apple engineer. When they board the train the three Microsoft engineers cram into a rest room and the three Apple engineers cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the Apple engineers leaves his rest room and walks over to the rest room where the Microsoft employees are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please ..."
As an Apple user this one tickled me to my core
..and the next one too!
Re: Family friendly jokes
Posted: Wed Feb 16, 2022 11:17 pm
by LakeOconee
A question please:
Are limericks allowed in this thread?
I promise there’s nothing to dread.
“Family friendly” is planned,
So that all understand
That “Nantucket” shall never be said.
Re: Family friendly jokes
Posted: Thu Feb 17, 2022 2:00 pm
by Manixguy@1994
Deleted .MG2
Re: Family friendly jokes
Posted: Thu Feb 17, 2022 8:42 pm
by paladin
Proof that "no good deed goes unpunished "
I got arrested today rendering aid to a guy who was stupid enough
to be smoking while filling his tank at the gas station...
The idiot caught his right arm ablaze when his tank overfilled and hit the lit cigar he was holding...
So I rushed over and smothered the conflagration by wrapping his flaming arm in my coat...
A cop at a nearby pump witnessed the incident and arrested me!!!
The charge? <No doubt you're wondering> --
"Concealing a deadly firearm"...ba-dump-diss!
Re: Family friendly jokes
Posted: Fri Feb 18, 2022 2:38 pm
by Manixguy@1994
Re: Family friendly jokes
Posted: Sun Feb 20, 2022 8:30 am
by Manixguy@1994
Re: Family friendly jokes
Posted: Sun Feb 20, 2022 8:31 am
by Manixguy@1994
Re: Family friendly jokes
Posted: Sun Feb 20, 2022 8:32 am
by Manixguy@1994
Re: Family friendly jokes
Posted: Mon Feb 21, 2022 8:22 am
by Doc Dan
Five surgeons were taking a coffee break and discussing their work.
“I think accountants are the easiest to operate on,” said the first surgeon. “You open them up and everything inside is numbered.”
“I think librarians are the easiest to operate on,” said the second. “You open them up and everything inside is in alphabetical order.”
“I like to operate on electricians,” said the third. “You open them up and everything inside is colour-coded.”
“I like to operate on lawyers,” said the fourth. “They’re heartless, spineless, gutless, and their heads and their asses are interchangeable.”
“I like engineers,” said the fifth. “They always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end…”
Re: Family friendly jokes
Posted: Mon Feb 21, 2022 9:39 am
by Manixguy@1994
Good one Doc !
Re: Family friendly jokes
Posted: Tue Feb 22, 2022 7:01 am
by Doc Dan
This is why Bloke doesn't shave.
Re: Family friendly jokes
Posted: Tue Feb 22, 2022 9:53 am
by Manixguy@1994
Re: Family friendly jokes
Posted: Thu Feb 24, 2022 9:46 am
by Manixguy@1994
Re: Family friendly jokes
Posted: Thu Feb 24, 2022 10:46 am
by LakeOconee
The Past, the Present, and the Future all walked into a bar...
.
.
.
.
It was tense.
that is too funny ! Dan
-- 
