Is it possible to spend your life single and alone and be happy?

[DRKBC]

Actually I imagained myself having children and growing old surrounded with childrenand grand children. The good old fashioned way. Now in my 40s and failed one marriage already and not having much faith in human relationships already. I used to have a romantic view of marriage for ever and now I see allot of people using others then leaving them.

I feel for you. Like everyone buy the time they hit there 50's I have had to look at life in the eyes more than a couple of times and it hasn't always been pretty. I think most times what you see and hear is a reflection of what you are feeling at that moment. But really things are, what they are no more and you need to be careful (or at least I do) not to rescript them, or they take on a life of their own and become much more than they really are.

If your relationship didn't work out, well it is better for both of you to move on sooner rather than later and be happy there wasn't a child in the mix just yet. You still have plenty of time we had our daughter in our 40's and I can highly recommend it, for us it was better later rather than sooner. Give yourself some time to figure things out. Reflect on what you want but don't become a recluse, keep around people, try some new things, take on a new sport whatever works for you but keep yourself out there and your mind occupied.

Not all relationships are perfect and they all require a lot of compromise on both sides but if your lucky enough to find one that works for both people it will have been well worth the wait.

[[ENFORCER]]

I'm single, I live alone with only a cat and a knife/torch and I don't like people.

[BAL]

I think that we have a match.

[xceptnl]

I think that we have a match.

:p

[PanChango]

If you aren't happy with yourself, you won't be happy with anyone else.

[eidah]

I think that we have a match.

Welcome to my ignore list BAL.

[BAL]

Welcome to my ignore list BAL.

Eidah, On this forum, many people make threads and posts about a variety of topics,
some totally unrelated to knives. It is however, knife forum and that is more often than
not the generally scope of discussion.

If I offended you, I am truly sorry. As many on this forum have deduced through the years.
I have a particular sense of humor that may even be considered a lack thereof, however,
I tend to look at the world in such a manner and my posts are generally along these lines.

I have never intentionally meant to offend anyone, and have addressed them if they took
my words as such. Most, if not all have understood. It is hard to understand what a person
means when only reading words on a forum, with no facial expression or emphasis on a
particular word or phrase. Somehow, you have to read between the lines and give the person
the benefit of the doubt.

You came on a knife forum, with few posts, meaning that not many knew of your background,
and created a thread about happiness in life. I am guessing that I was not the only one that
originally thought that it was a spam thread, as we have seen many of these recently. I apologize
for my insensitivity. I later posted comments that I honestly meant about my feelings about life
and that only "you" can make or take from it what you want. This is true for anyone and I have
told my son this on numerous occasions.

I am sorry for my most recent comments that have offended you. However, life is short and
life is tough and being thin-skinned makes the journey that much more difficult. Sorry that you
didn’t get a chance to read this. Good luck in your life. Take care.

[JD Spydo]

This question comes up a lot to a lot of people who may be alone and people who have girlfriends, wives, boyfriends, husbands or even just lots of friends and family.

Here is my outlook. I would prefer to have a partner, meaning girlfriend or wife. However, the presence of a girlfriend or wife whould need to be a great relationship that I looked forward to every day. If I didn't ever want my partner to walk into the same room I'm in or see her every day when I get home from work, I'd rather live alone. But people are different. Some need to have people around even if they don't seem to like them and argue all the time. It's almost like arguing makes them "happy".

No one can answer this question except for themselves and my answer is YES. It is possible to be alone and happy.

Jack I couldn't have said that any better myself. I'm currently single but actually loving it for the most part. I have a huge number of lady friends who I really value their friendship but very few of them would I want to actually live with because of their unpredictible moody-ness and explosive tempers.

To me the concept of what many people refer to as "loneliness" I think it something that has been planted in many people's heads and they have been brainwashed by the mainstream media into believing that they can't be happy without a partner. To me that's absolute hogwash>> I enjoy my hobbys and my time alone to read and educate myself. Not to mention the blast I have here at Spyderville and BF :)

I have had a couple of relationships straight out of **** itself in my life and I don't ever want to go there again. To me a bad, flaky or compromised relationship is truly a form of torture as far as I'm concerned.

Just be patient my friend and don't try to put a square peg in a round hole. Because before you know you'll probably find someone without even looking for them. That's usually the way I meet prospective friends most of the time myself and it seems to work good for me. Just use this time to do some things you've wanted to do for a long time and be extremely careful because the dating scene is like a landmine field out there at this time in particular. You'll be fine my friend :)

[[ENFORCER]]

My post may have been sorta confusing so I'll clarify...


I'm single, I live alone, I'm extremely happy, I don't have any kids so no diaper changing or takin to school, I do basically nothing, and I'm loving it.


As for the people who cry in corners because they don't have any " friends" or "SO"'s, well, that's their problem.

[Popsickle]

]I'm single, I live alone with only a cat and a knife/torch and I don't like people.

then why spend your time on a forum talking to people?

[Steffen]

you can turn off the computer, but you can't turn off annoying people in real life.

[kbuzbee]

but you can't turn off annoying people in real life.

You'd be amazed

Ken

[girlyMANN]

happiness is a state of mind.
it would be tragic mistake hoping for others to "make you happy"...
in actual fact,
it's all about how one might bring joy to others.
thus, opportunity comes to fruition only with some work put in.

[eidah]

Eidah, On this forum, many people make threads and posts about a variety of topics,
some totally unrelated to knives. It is however, knife forum and that is more often than
not the generally scope of discussion.

If I offended you, I am truly sorry. As many on this forum have deduced through the years.
I have a particular sense of humor that may even be considered a lack thereof, however,
I tend to look at the world in such a manner and my posts are generally along these lines.

I have never intentionally meant to offend anyone, and have addressed them if they took
my words as such. Most, if not all have understood. It is hard to understand what a person
means when only reading words on a forum, with no facial expression or emphasis on a
particular word or phrase. Somehow, you have to read between the lines and give the person
the benefit of the doubt.

You came on a knife forum, with few posts, meaning that not many knew of your background,
and created a thread about happiness in life. I am guessing that I was not the only one that
originally thought that it was a spam thread, as we have seen many of these recently. I apologize
for my insensitivity. I later posted comments that I honestly meant about my feelings about life
and that only "you" can make or take from it what you want. This is true for anyone and I have
told my son this on numerous occasions.

I am sorry for my most recent comments that have offended you. However, life is short and
life is tough and being thin-skinned makes the journey that much more difficult. Sorry that you
didn’t get a chance to read this. Good luck in your life. Take care.

Apology accepted. No hard feelings.

[BAL]

Apology accepted. No hard feelings.

Thanks Eidah, I do hope that you find what you are looking for.

I was married out of college and it was a mess and while the marraige didn't last
long the memories and scars sure as **** did. I was single for many many years
after, but I had a great friend named Jack, from Lynchburg Tennessee. My other
was ironically from Golden Colorado, Mr, Coors Light (I still had to watch my weight).

I was actually very happy at the time and enjoyed life to the max. Of course happiness
is what each person makes it at any given time. I met a girl along the way, by accident
and one thing led to another and we have been together for 20 years and have an
awesome son.

So you never know when the right person will just show up. You can't force the issue
though, it just happens.

[SpyderNut]

...I was actually very happy at the time and enjoyed life to the max. Of course happiness
is what each person makes it at any given time. I met a girl along the way, by accident
and one thing led to another and we have been together for 20 years and have an
awesome son. So you never know when the right person will just show up. You can't force the issue
though, it just happens.

Amen.

Just my two cents here: I'll admit that I was one of those guys who swore he would never get involved in a long-term relationship--let alone marriage--and I firmly meant that too. Sure, I had dated a few times in college, but after a few unsuccessful relationships, I reasoned that the whole relationship concept just "wasn't for me." During my time being single, I actually felt better about myself as a person when I stopped trying to force something that didn't feel natural to me. A few years later, I met a beautiful young lady and we became friends. Ironically, neither one of us was looking for a long-term (or even short-term) relationship. We just wanted to be friends. We were both happy with our single lives. After about 2 1/2 years of friendship, however, we both realized that we were destined to be with each other. I proposed, and she fortunately said "Yes." :)

In summary, I believe that it is certainly feasible to be single and be content. (I prefer the word "content" over "happy" in this context due to "being happy" may be seen as a fleeting emotion). Conversely, if a relationship is meant to be, I firmly believe it will come to pass at some point in a person's life. I hope this is helpful to you.

[BAL]

Good stuff Spydernut. "Content", I like that.

I know a guy that was married for years and then went through a divorce a few years back.
Ever since he has been going here and there "looking" for Ms Right, or maybe I should say
a replacement. You doN;t find a replacement and you can't go out with the intent of finding
a life mate. It just doesn't work like that.

If you are single, enjoy it. If you are married, enjoy it. (well, as well as can be expected :D )

[SolidState]

If you're even asking these questions, you should be alone until you sort out your own answers and get yourself together to the point where you're completely happy just being yourself. If you're not happy being yourself and alone, other people aren't going to be happy with you. I've been given that lesson the hard way a few times, and only after accepting that those were teaching moments was I able to move on and make the necessary changes in my life leading to happiness.

[78lilred]

Yes, it is. Happiness is a choice, an attitude, not a circumstance.

Ken

Well put.

[James Y]

If you aren't happy with yourself, you won't be happy with anyone else.

This is correct.

I might also add that if you can't stand your own company alone, what makes you think anybody else will enjoy your company?

Many people feel that you HAVE to conform to the 'normal' orthodox life of marriage out of school, kids, grand kids, etc., etc., and anybody who varies from that has something wrong with them. That is a result of societal brainwashing and IMO, personal insecurities.

Every life is different, and if you feel happy alone, that is far different from being lonely. Not even in the same ballpark. I've known apparently happily married people who confessed feeling lonely and/or unfulfilled in their lives. That's far, faaar worse than being happily alone.

I'm 50 now and still never married. I had a chance to at 22, but I sure am glad I didn't, becauseI know it never would have worked out. In fact, none of the women I've been with would have worked long-term in any capacity. It was simple incompatibility. And in the interim years, I've experienced much personal growth that I may not have had I taken the typical route. True, I may have missed out on some areas, but I live without regrets. I know from past experience that the harder you look for something (in this case, 'the right one'), the more it eludes you.

Jim