Spyderco Forums

I bet that liar told you I was speeding too.

^ lol

HAHAHA!! One of my all time favorites.

Thanks Dan --SB / BRUCE :p :p

z4vdBt wrote: ↑

Mon Sep 09, 2019 6:20 am

I bet that liar told you I was speeding too.

^ lol

Give us one

SkullBouncer wrote: ↑

Mon Sep 09, 2019 1:53 pm

HAHAHA!! One of my all time favorites.

Thanks Dan --SB / BRUCE :p :p

Give us a good one

A Petty Officer Second Class, First Class, and a Chief are off the ship together for lunch. While crossing a park they come upon an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke.

The Genie says I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one.

Me first says the Petty Officer Second Class. I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, a beautiful woman at my side and not a care in the world. Poof! He's gone.

Me next! says the First Class. I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of pina coladas and a beautiful woman. Poof! He's gone.

You're next the Genie says to the Chief.

The Chief says I want those two back on the ship right after lunch.

z4vdBt wrote: ↑

Tue Sep 10, 2019 4:01 am

A Petty Officer Second Class, First Class, and a Chief are off the ship together for lunch. While crossing a park they come upon an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke.

The Genie says I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one.

Me first says the Petty Officer Second Class. I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, a beautiful woman at my side and not a care in the world. Poof! He's gone.

Me next! says the First Class. I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of pina coladas and a beautiful woman. Poof! He's gone.

You're next the Genie says to the Chief.

The Chief says I want those two back on the ship right after lunch.

Hahaha! I know just the Navy guy to share this with.

A piece of string walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The barman looks him round and round and tells him to leave “We don’t serve string here - get out!”
The piece of string leaves, goes round the corner, ruffles his ends, and does a couple of loops before going straight back into the bar - and asks for a beer.
“Hey, aren’t you that piece of string I chucked out just now?” cried the bartender.
“No, I’m a frayed knot”

* * *

A guy walks into a bar with a reptile on his shoulder.
“A pint for me, and a half for Tiny, please”
“OK, but why’s he called Tiny?”
“Well, he’s my Newt”....

** ** **

How do you know when it’s a ‘plane full of Poms that has landed?
It’s the one where the whining doesn’t stop after the engines are turned off...

*** *** ***

What do you call 15 guys sitting around the T.V watching the Rugby World Cup final?
The Australian Rugby Team

There was a blonde who just got sick and tired of all the blonde jokes. One evening, she went home and memorized all the state capitals. Back in the office the next day, some guy started telling a dumb blonde joke. She interrupted him with a shrill announcement, "I've had it up to here with these blonde jokes. I want you to know that this blonde went home last night and did something probably none of you could do. I memorized all the state capitals." One of the guys, of course, said, "I don't believe you. What is the capital of Nevada?" "N," she answered.

I used to breed rabbits. Then I realized they can handle it themselves.

I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.

Hah!

The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn’t talking to me.

Doc Dan wrote: ↑

Thu Sep 19, 2019 11:59 am

The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn’t talking to me.

That is funny! :D :D

The Meat man wrote: ↑

Thu Sep 19, 2019 7:34 pm

Doc Dan wrote: ↑

Thu Sep 19, 2019 11:59 am

The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn’t talking to me.

That is funny! :D :D

Glad you enjoyed it. Your turn :D

Why does the ocean roar?

You'd roar too, if you had crabs crawling on your bottom.

Hahaha! No doubt!

It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It’s true. I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.

A blonde guy takes a shower and is about to wash his hair when suddenly, in a panic, he calls his wife: “Honey, come here a minute. What do I do? The shampoo says for Dry Hair and I’ve already wet mine!”

Billy Graham was returning to Charlotte after a speaking engagement and when his plane arrived there was a limousine there to transport him to his home. As he prepared to get into the limo, he stopped and spoke to the driver.

'You know' he said, 'I am 87 years old and I have never
Driven a limousine. Would you mind if I drove it for a while?'

The driver said, 'No problem. Have at it.'

Billy gets into the driver's seat and they head off down the highway. A short distance away sat a rookie State Trooper operating his first speed trap.

The long black limo went by him doing 70 in a 55 mph zone.

The trooper pulled out and easily caught the limo then got out of his patrol car to begin the procedure. The young trooper walked up to the driver's door and when the glass was rolled down, he was surprised to see who was driving.

He immediately excused himself and went back to his car and called his supervisor. 'I know we are supposed to enforce the law.... but I also know that important people are given certain courtesies. I need to know what I should do because I have stopped a very important person.'

The supervisor asked, 'Is it the governor?'

The young trooper said, 'No, he's more important than that.'

The supervisor said, 'Oh, so it's the president.'

The young trooper said, 'No, he's even more Important than that.'

After a moment,the supervisor finally asked, 'Well then, who is it?'

The young trooper said, 'I think it's Jesus, because he's got Billy Graham for a chauffeur!'