Kids who are picky eaters

[jackknifeh]

I have a pretty firm opinion about this. That doesn't mean I'm right or that there is only one way to look at the subject. I'll be brief as I only want to make one point. I was a picky eater until I was a teenager. I mean REALLY picky. I didn't want to try new foods. I don't know why. I don't know of anyone who does know why some kids are like that. My brother (one year younger) **** near ate my parents into the poor house. :) The only point I want parents to get is how traumatic it is for kids like this. EVERY SINGLE TIME we would go to someone's house and I knew a meal was involved I dreaded it. When it was a kids thing (birthday party, etc.) it was ok because I knew the menu would be "kids" stuff. But at the dinner table I knew there would be peas, lima beans, or any number of horrible foods. I really don't think God meant us to eat those foods. :) There are going to be enough times when a picky eater kid will need to deal with this issue. I DON'T THINK HE/SHE SHOULD HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT THIS PROBLEM WHEN EATING AT HOME WITH HIS/HER OWN FAMILY. Give the kid what he wants to eat. Of course unless it's only candy bars all the time. If you are worried about the health issues, buy vitamins. If you are even thinking you will change the kids behaviour in this area you are (IMO) 90% wrong. Like anything, nothing is 100%. I just remember being scared of meal times away from home. I'm happy to say my Dad stopped trying to make me eat everything on my plate after a while. He realized I wasn't going to starve to death.

I think a kid should at least try different foods. If they don't want any more that's perfectly ok. Sometimes they don't want to try something or say they don't want something because they are developing their independence. My grandson does that now. He is 4. I say "do you want a sandwich?" and he sais "no". Five minutes later he may say "can I have a grilled ham and cheese sandwich?". I say ok and cook it. Everyone is happy. He is independent and also has food in his belly. I used to get mad at my son when he didn't want to eat something because I was the Dad and what I said goes. That is because I was being stupid. For some reason I have a better idea of how important some things really are. Well I think I do anyway. The bottom line is even though I was a picky eater it didn't ruin my life. I just missed out on some good eating. We eat too much in the USA anyway. :) Maybe being a picky eater will cut down of overweight kids.

So Mommies and Daddies, give your kids a break as often as you can. Life is hard enough.


Jack

[xceptnl]

I have a differing opinion on the matter Jack. My son just turned 5 this past weekend and we are so very proud of him for being a good eater. It started early though and required extra effort on the part of my wife and I. As a result, my son ALWAYS trys something that we put in front of him. He may not finish it, but he has an understanding that if he will try it, and doesn't like it, but can explain what he doesn't like or describe the taste, then he has given it a fair go. We exposed him to a wide variety of foods when he was starting on solid foods. He is a minority I know because many of his (older) friends still eat only chicken nuggets and macaroni for 4 out of the 7 dinners that they enjoy a week. I agree life is hard enough, but kids who make a scene because they refuse to eat something served by another adult in their home really grind on my nerves.

[Donut]

My nephew is 10 and doesn't want to try new food.

I think it has to do with children trying to express a decision. They are allowed to make the decision of what they eat and they are keeping a firm hold on it.

I don't think my nephew was taught well that the choices he makes can have negative impact. I know what the news says about eating healthy to help your body fight off disease and stuff, but I don't know how much of that is completely true. I hope he doesn't end up with something stupid.

A bag I got from Chick-fil-a says that green leafy vegetables help your body fight off cancer.


I currently believe that all food is good, but different. I asked him the other day, "If you don't eat food that isn't good, how do you know that the food you are eating IS good?" His answer made me think he agreed, but actions speak louder than words. I don't think he understands that one, either.


It bothers me to see other children eating better than he does.

[Donut]

Jack, you might want to watch that your Grandson isn't choosing food with too much soy... or something else that can hurt him down the line.

[gph]

I think parents have a built in fear that their kids will be in danger if they don't eat everything in front of them. Maybe it stems from when we didn't know when we would eat again.

I think if a kid is healthy and eats nutritiously there's nothing to worry about.

[xceptnl]

I think if a kid is healthy and eats nutritiously there's nothing to worry about.

I think this is the part that many children do not get.

[gph]

I think this is the part that many children do not get.

True :) It would be coke and chips if many had their way.

Some kids have to be forced if they hate all vegetables, for example. I think it's common for parents to take it too far though

[yablanowitz]

I don't think my nephew was taught well that the choices he makes can have negative impact.

I personally believe there are a couple of generations out there with a pretty feeble grasp of cause and effect.

In my case, once it was determined that I could out-stubborn my father (I sat at the dinner table for over an hour with something in my mouth that I was NOT going to swallow), the rule became very simple: I could eat what I was served or I could go hungry. Somehow, I failed to starve.

[jackknifeh]

Lots of good points and ones that I agree with even though I won't adhear to the thinking. Since I know what it was like as a kid I KNOW I side with the kids more than I should (maybe). One thing exceptnl mentioned that I didn't and agree with is a child should be required to try a new food at least. I am a lot stricter about trying the first bite than I am about getting him to eat because it's good for you or because I think he should eat everything on his plate because hungry children would love to have it. "Well give them my food" is my favorite reply to that reasoning. :) But yes, blatantly refusing to try anything new for the first time is unacceptable. Once my grandson tries one bite he can eat more or not, his decision. About half the time he does like it. I get very frustrated when he won't try something like ice cream. I KNOW he will love it and it bugs me that he won't be enjoying it. That is one of the foods I did have to force him to try. Guess what? He liked it. Now I don't get as much ice cream as I used to. :)

This kids and food thing is nothing new and won't soon be solved either. I do want to emphasize how bad it can be for some children though. Sometimes it's a discepline thing and others it's on the level of a phobia. I knew what it was like and I watched 3 teachers gang up on a little girl (4th grade or so) in the school lunch room in front of all the other kids. I could look at her eyes and tell she was horrified at the thought of trying that whatever it was. That was no discepline thing at all. Sometimes adults (in the back of their mind) feel like they can solve this issue with a child by forcing the issue. I don't think so. I believe it's an ongoing process that exceptnl seems to have gotten through very effectively. My congratulations. Seriously. Mealtime is a big deal even when all is well. Most people love to eat. For kids I don't understand why some go one way and some go entirely the opposite. I went one way (picky) and my brother went the other. I don't remember him not liking anything. Same parents, same house(s), only one year apart in age. At a young age the younger sibling usually follows the older's lead. Not in this case thank goodness.

One thing to watch out for you parents. When I did start eating more stuff pizza was one of the things I didn't like for a long time. We used to go out to eat every week or so. Once at a pizza place I was offered a movie if I ate one piece of pizza. That place cut it in little squares. I agreed, ate it, liked it and got my movie. I pretended not to like it though and got 3 more movies by doing that. :) My parents knew all along I'm sure though. :mad: :D

If the issue is a discipline thing the parents might not have a lot to worry about in the healthy department. As soon as the kid is with their friends and not being forced to eat they may be eating more to avoid being laughed at (possibly).

I always hated peanut butter and when I got older I figured I didn't like it and it was in my head. Once someone offered me a piece of candy at work. I accepted not knowing what flavor it might be. I started sucking on it and it got worse and worse and I finally spit it out and asked "WHAT WAS THAT?". My friend said peanut butter. I was reassured it wasn't in my head. I just don't like peanut butter. :)

What save my life was bologna sandwiches. As long as bologna sandwiches existed I wasn't going to starve. :)

[Evil D]

Eh, can't say I agree with ya Jack. I know a gal that's 25 and still eats like a 7 year old because her parents never made her try anything new. With my kids, I do the same as my mother did with me, you have to at least TRY everything I make, every time I make it, even if you've tried it before. History has proven to me that peoples' taste evolves. Heck my own experience proves it. I used to hate mustard, sauerkraut, olives, beans, most all veggies, etc, but as I got older my tastes evolved and I love that stuff now. My own kids went through the picky stages and my daughter still is, but they both have come to love the very same foods they threw a fit about eating when they were younger. My son was really bad, but now he's 11 and will eat literally anything you put in front of him. My daughter is almost 6 and has gone from not liking pizza, mac n cheese, chicken, hotdogs, spaghetti, tacos, chili, fish, ketchup, ranch, and a bunch of other stuff only to love all of it now. Once you let a kid get into their teens and they still have these issues, you've given them a life long struggle that they'll probably never overcome. Kids don't need options, they need to be told. I really don't mean that to sound as harsh as it might, but a 5 year old has no idea what they should be eating and if you'd let them they would eat chips and ice cream everyday. It starts when they're babies and they spit out baby food, you just have to keep trying. There will no doubt be things that each individual absolutely can't stand, and there's nothing wrong with that. You just can't let kids decide on their own that they're only going to eat certain foods. Someone has to broaden their horizon. It also gets a lot easier once they start going to school and are eating school lunches. Being around their friends who are likely not picky eaters helps them to overcome the fear of new things. You also don't wanna get frustrated or punish kids for not trying new stuff, it's much better to reward them for it and encourage them.

[Donut]

I would say you didn't know what it was like as a kid, but agree to let them keep not knowing what it is like.


The thing that sucks is that you are still letting your thoughts from years ago run your life.

[Ned]

I was a very picky eater as a child, I could not handle some flavors, shapes, textures etc. I was extremely particular about what I would eat. My parents simply provided me with a variety of things that I would eat and I managed to keep from starvation. Strange thing is now I'm quite adventurous in my tastes! My kids are not nearly as picky as I was, we prepare good nutritious food for them and they usually eat it.

[DeathBySnooSnoo]

It's a tough call I think. I think that it is the job of parents to make sure that their child is eating a healthy well balanced diet. that means lots of veg, and fruit, meat and dairy. However, I think that the food should also be processed as little as possible...

It can be hard to get kids to eat a lot of this stuff, so making it fun and interesting to kids is important. I think that seeing parents eat new foods and eating healthy is a good way to influence the kids.

BUT I also think that forcing a kid to eat certain things that they really don't like is a poor decision. If a kid doesn't like...broccoli, serve peas or corn or carrot or whatever. If a kid likes chicken but not pork...work with it.

I was a semi picky kid...but now have a much much wider range of foods that I enjoy. It comes with growing up and being exposed to many different things.

[xceptnl]

It's a tough call I think. I think that it is the job of parents to make sure that their child is eating a healthy well balanced diet. that means lots of veg, and fruit, meat and dairy. However, I think that the food should also be processed as little as possible...

It can be hard to get kids to eat a lot of this stuff, so making it fun and interesting to kids is important. I think that seeing parents eat new foods and eating healthy is a good way to influence the kids.

BUT I also think that forcing a kid to eat certain things that they really don't like is a poor decision. If a kid doesn't like...broccoli, serve peas or corn or carrot or whatever. If a kid likes chicken but not pork...work with it.

I was a semi picky kid...but now have a much much wider range of foods that I enjoy. It comes with growing up and being exposed to many different things.

Well said!

[SpyderNut]

I personally believe there are a couple of generations out there with a pretty feeble grasp of cause and effect.

In my case, once it was determined that I could out-stubborn my father (I sat at the dinner table for over an hour with something in my mouth that I was NOT going to swallow), the rule became very simple: I could eat what I was served or I could go hungry. Somehow, I failed to starve.

Funny, that sounds exactly how I was raised. :)

I tend to disagree on giving kids what they want to eat vs. their parents choosing healthy, well-balanced meals for them. It bugs me to no end when I overhear well-meaning parents in a restaurant asking their young children, "What do you want to eat?" About 99% of children are likely to respond with something like, "Oh, I just want mac and cheese and Jell-O." The parent responds with, "What about green beans? You have to have a veggie." The child retorts, "No, I don't like green beans." The parent then shrugs and says, "Ok, but you have to eat all of your mac and cheese and Jell-O before you can have dessert." The kid will then begin to whine and says, "Noooo. I don't wanna' do that." The parent (oftentimes) gives in and says, "Ok, son/daughter. Let's just keep it down." Besides not ensuring the kid eats a well-balanced meal, what does this teach the child? That he or she can get whatever they want whenever they want it? True, I think there will come a time in a child's life when he or she will be able to make wise decisions regarding their nutritional needs on their own. Until that time, I believe it is the parents' responsibility to make sure their child eats healthy meals.

Ok. I'll hop off my soap box now.

[ASmitty]

Eh, can't say I agree with ya Jack. I know a gal that's 25 and still eats like a 7 year old because her parents never made her try anything new.

It's like you know my sister-in-law (except she's only 20).

Kids don't need options, they need to be told.

This sums up a lot more issues than just eating IMO. But they should always be taught to understand the reasoning behind what they're told to do so that they'll make the right decision when they're not being told anymore.

[ourgon]

Well, in my opinion: picky eaters = parents are too soft/not very convincing.

Customs and education. My grandmother left a clean plate after a meal. She respected the food because she knew what is hunger. Now I see what was previously observed only in american movies. Meal uneaten on the plate not only by kids but some adult people too. My parents method - do you not eat it now? You'll eat it for dinner or tomorrow, cold.

[xceptnl]

Lots of good points and ones that I agree with even though I won't adhear to the thinking. Since I know what it was like as a kid I KNOW I side with the kids more than I should (maybe). One thing exceptnl mentioned that I didn't and agree with is a child should be required to try a new food at least. I am a lot stricter about trying the first bite than I am about getting him to eat because it's good for you or because I think he should eat everything on his plate because hungry children would love to have it. "Well give them my food" is my favorite reply to that reasoning. :) But yes, blatantly refusing to try anything new for the first time is unacceptable. Once my grandson tries one bite he can eat more or not, his decision. About half the time he does like it. I get very frustrated when he won't try something like ice cream. I KNOW he will love it and it bugs me that he won't be enjoying it. That is one of the foods I did have to force him to try. Guess what? He liked it. Now I don't get as much ice cream as I used to. :)

This kids and food thing is nothing new and won't soon be solved either. I do want to emphasize how bad it can be for some children though. Sometimes it's a discepline thing and others it's on the level of a phobia. I knew what it was like and I watched 3 teachers gang up on a little girl (4th grade or so) in the school lunch room in front of all the other kids. I could look at her eyes and tell she was horrified at the thought of trying that whatever it was. That was no discepline thing at all. Sometimes adults (in the back of their mind) feel like they can solve this issue with a child by forcing the issue. I don't think so. I believe it's an ongoing process that exceptnl seems to have gotten through very effectively. My congratulations. Seriously. Mealtime is a big deal even when all is well. Most people love to eat. For kids I don't understand why some go one way and some go entirely the opposite. I went one way (picky) and my brother went the other. I don't remember him not liking anything. Same parents, same house(s), only one year apart in age. At a young age the younger sibling usually follows the older's lead. Not in this case thank goodness.

One thing to watch out for you parents. When I did start eating more stuff pizza was one of the things I didn't like for a long time. We used to go out to eat every week or so. Once at a pizza place I was offered a movie if I ate one piece of pizza. That place cut it in little squares. I agreed, ate it, liked it and got my movie. I pretended not to like it though and got 3 more movies by doing that. :) My parents knew all along I'm sure though. :mad: :D

If the issue is a discipline thing the parents might not have a lot to worry about in the healthy department. As soon as the kid is with their friends and not being forced to eat they may be eating more to avoid being laughed at (possibly).

I always hated peanut butter and when I got older I figured I didn't like it and it was in my head. Once someone offered me a piece of candy at work. I accepted not knowing what flavor it might be. I started sucking on it and it got worse and worse and I finally spit it out and asked "WHAT WAS THAT?". My friend said peanut butter. I was reassured it wasn't in my head. I just don't like peanut butter. :)

What save my life was bologna sandwiches. As long as bologna sandwiches existed I wasn't going to starve. :)

Thank you for the compliment Jack. Food and the careful preparation of is a big deal in this house, because it was in my parents house, grandparents house, and even my great-grandparents. When I visited one of the previously mentioned homes that was not my own for a meal, the food was prepared with love and thought. This meant that respect or disrespect was conveyed to the person who spent time to provide something for you (the person eating it) depending on how it was received. We were never deprived of food or anything even close to that, but respect was something that wasn't up for debate in my household then (or now).

I agree that the act of cleaning one's plate is not the important issue in the matter and that the fact some parents feel that forcing the issue will solve something is utterly silly. Fear and understanding can be a two way street for the child and the parent. I learn this more every day as my son grows and matures. He leaves me speechless some days with the pearls of wisdom he can already spout. Good thread Jack.

[jackknifeh]

Lots of good points. Most I agree with. When it comes to kids no one including me knows what it's like in another's home. I would like to say I agree with anyone who feels children DO NOT make the decisions. If that is the default situation the parents are doing the child a disservice IMO. This is more in reference to most things including food. Except, I think too much of a big deal is made of the food thing. I feel this way because myself and a couple others here mentioned how they grew out of the picky eating phase. I have never known anyone who didn't outgrow it. The two mentioned here are the exceptions. I still don't like a lot of foods most people like. Don't know why. I did have to try new stuff as a kid. So did my son and now my grandson. I will say I'm not as strict on my grandson as my son is but not being all that strict on the less important things is part of my new job description. :) I can say my feelings now are just more laid back. Some things I used to think were so important now don't seem that way. Regarding my son I mean. It seems when you are dealing with a 4 year old about certain things and you wonder how to handle it, suddenly the 4 year old is 5 and even though no real "written in stone" solution was made life goes on. I remember being so upset or worried a bunch of times but for the life of me I can't remember anything that was that bad. Maybe that's just my memory. :)

My wife hates how lax I am regarding my strictness about Jackson eating. I also agree that I may be too lax. OTOH, he knows when I say no and when I mean it. I'm very scrict on what I feel is important and he knows it. He did something wrong (and he knew it) a few weeks ago. I caught him but didn't get mad. He asked if I was going to spank him. I said "yes, you knew you weren't supposed to do that". He just started crying because he knew he couldn't talk his way out of being punished. Regarding talking back, doing what he was told not to do, basic misbehaving, I'm as strict as about anybody. But when it comes to him eating I've decided I'll be one person he can be however he wants to be and it's ok. In dealing with him I'd say the worste thing is he doesn't eat on any real schedule. When he's hungry he tells me. Hope I didn't give the impression he only eats a couple of things. He's not that bad. In fact he's about average probably. In fact the only real issue I was thinking about are the times the kid has an irrational fear of trying new things. I say irrational because I still don't know why anyone, including me, as a kid is so scared to try a new food. Worst case is it will taste bad. I agree with the policy of if they don't want what is in front of them I don't make something different. He can go hungry for a few hours. But I won't force him to eat. It's his choice to not eat and be hungry.

I also hate it when parents let the children decide what's what. But when it comes to eating in public I never pressed the issue with my son because I didn't want to make it unpleasant for other people eating there.

There's no black and white solution to this just like most other things regarding raising kids. Every case is as different as the personalities of the kids and parents. I'm glad now I am the grandfather. While I think that position is of unbelievable importance, I'm taking the easy way out when it comes to my grandson's eating habits. He has his mom and dad who can take care of the unpleasant part. When it's just me and him in the room, he can eat or not eat. No biggie. When he doesn't want lunch but wants me to make popcorn he doesn't get popcorn. I'm very strict about that. :) Aren't I mean? Pretty soon he'll be hungry, eat lunch and then popcorn (or whatever). He loves popcorn more than ice cream and cake. That puzzles me. :confused: This may require therapy in later years. :)

Gotta go. Time to eat. Hope it's something I like. :D


Jack

[paladin]

I was lucky as a child because my Mom provided 2 menu choices each meal...take it or leave it.

My Granny would let me have an extra cookie or a 2nd slice of strawberry pie...Mom, never.

Which one was justified in their policy? Both...God Bless Them.

Likewise, Jack you were being a good parent to your children back in that day...not stupid.

Also, you are being a perfect Grandaddy by exercising patience & "giving in" to your grandson today...good wisdom by letting him exercise a little independence.

Everyone says it's a Grandparent's job to "spoil the Grandkids," we all realize that's an exaggeration...

But every kid needs someone at an arm's length to dote on them a little...it's good all around...

You display a great conscience by even posting this thread