I found this post "To the guy who tried to mug me in downtown Savannah...."

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flash900
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I found this post "To the guy who tried to mug me in downtown Savannah...."

#1

Post by flash900 »

I came across this post and it is a hoot.

Whether any of it is true, I have no idea --


AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD-Don't know the validity of this but it is a hoot..open the note and read the entire post LOL


To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last.
Date: 2010-09-27, 1:43 a.m. E.S.T.
I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.
First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket.. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason..my girlfriend was happy that I just returned safely from my 2nd tour as a Combat Marine in Afghanistan.. She had just bought me that Kimber Custom Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head ... isn't it?!
I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. [That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again].
After I called your mother or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station, -- on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 153 gallons and was extremely grateful!
I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!]
I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb .... after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.
Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what 's going on with that? Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target.
The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc.).
;In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you ... but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've chosen to pursue in life.. Remember, next time you might not be so lucky. Have a good day!
Thoughtfully yours, Semper Fi,
Alex
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dennisap
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#2

Post by dennisap »

Hehehe...
Yojimbo 2
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Tally-ho
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#3

Post by Tally-ho »

Funny...

but fake !
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DCDesigns
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#4

Post by DCDesigns »

Yea, this is pretty old, its made its rounds already...
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G-Solutions
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#5

Post by G-Solutions »

Saw this on several other forums quite a while ago - but still makes me smile....
Uli Gebhard
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BAL
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#6

Post by BAL »

It would make a decent movie.
Maybe Bruce Willis as Alex, Charlize Theron as the girlfriend,
Tom Cruise as the mugger, Tommy Lee Jones as the FBI agent,
with Morgan Freeman narrating and Jerry Mathers ..... as the beaver.
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Tally-ho
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#7

Post by Tally-ho »

BAL wrote:It would make a decent movie.
Maybe Bruce Willis as Alex, Charlize Theron as the girlfriend,
Tom Cruise as the mugger, Tommy Lee Jones as the FBI agent,
with Morgan Freeman narrating and Jerry Mathers ..... as the beaver.
You forgot the most important...the knife ! Which one ?!
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Pockets
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#8

Post by Pockets »

That's pretty funny.
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IG-88
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#9

Post by IG-88 »

Crime doesn't pay :) Nice story, I hope it's true!
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Bladekeeper
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#10

Post by Bladekeeper »

There is a quality video on YouTube of a guy with two black eyes and lumps all over his head , apparently he jumped a car pointed a gun at the driver , when the driver said he didn't have much cash the guy ordered him out of the car.
The door opened and out stepped a 6 ft + guy over 200 pound who then whooped his *** there is a before and after pic of the mugger the guy was former military funny stuff.
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Popsickle
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#11

Post by Popsickle »

great post!
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Monocrom
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#12

Post by Monocrom »

Ha ha! That is freaking hilarious!
"The World is insane, with small pockets of sanity here & there. Not the other way around."

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BAL
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#13

Post by BAL »

Tally-ho wrote:You forgot the most important...the knife ! Which one ?!
Well, in this scenerio, the mugger wouldn't have had enough smarts to
get a Spyderco, you know how cocky Tom Cruise is any way and with the
compensation issue, so he would have had one of those extra large fixed
blades from Wally world. Probably a POS Model 4.
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swampfoxoutdoors
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#14

Post by swampfoxoutdoors »

I love it. and as far as the knife goes this caliber of a person was probably toting a Gerber. lol jk
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swampfoxoutdoors
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#15

Post by swampfoxoutdoors »

BAL wrote:It would make a decent movie.
Maybe Bruce Willis as Alex, Charlize Theron as the girlfriend,
Tom Cruise as the mugger, Tommy Lee Jones as the FBI agent,
with Morgan Freeman narrating and Jerry Mathers ..... as the beaver.

Gota love and respect the "Jerry Mathers .......as the beaver." suggestion.
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Evil D
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#16

Post by Evil D »

I'm pretty sure the last time i read this it was President Clinton mentioned lol.
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Let Us Slay !
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#17

Post by Let Us Slay ! »

Thats good stuff.
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tr4022
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#18

Post by tr4022 »

At the risk of being a wet blanket, didn't the hero of this story commit fraud and/or identity theft, like, a bazillion times? Seems to me he potentially could have faced many more criminal legal repurcussions that the would-be mugger. Yeah, yeah, I know, go ahead and lemme have it.

Tod
Gomer: Goober says 'Hey!'
Andy: Hey to Goober.
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BAL
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#19

Post by BAL »

tr4022 wrote:At the risk of being a wet blanket, didn't the hero of this story commit fraud and/or identity theft, like, a bazillion times? Seems to me he potentially could have faced many more criminal legal repurcussions that the would-be mugger. Yeah, yeah, I know, go ahead and lemme have it.

Tod
Actually this is wives tale that has been revised slightly and for different
Cities, including different Counties.
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tr4022
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#20

Post by tr4022 »

BAL wrote:Actually this is wives tale that has been revised slightly and for different
Cities, including different Counties.
Yeah, I know, just sayin'. Plus, it sounds like an awful lot of trouble to go to just to back at the schmuck. Maybe I'm just lazy in the revenge department.

Tod
Gomer: Goober says 'Hey!'
Andy: Hey to Goober.
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