Calling hours

[wescobts]

I have a small circle of friends at work, one of my friends' mother died. Calling hours are tonight, one of the friends made some lame excuse and is not going. I don't like going to these either but it what we must do, thats what friends do. I am kind of pissed, am I being a dink ?

[Shike]

No, you are not. That is the same excuse evreybody uses to get out of those things. ****, you have to be a sick puppy to like going to funerals, but that is when friends need you and when true friends are known.
Regards

Shike

[squad314]

I wonder if there is any unseen reason the guy won't go to the visiting....Is it possible he has some emotional hang up that makes it extra difficult for him?Perhaps he lost someone close recently and being in that environment is just too painful.Like most,I find visitations extremely uncomfortable.particularily when there is a possibility I'm not going to know a soul except the one person I'm there to see....However,like you said,it's what we do and it's very comforting for the grieving to know that people who care about them took the time to extend their condolences.

Having said this,if this guy just can't be bothered it's a shame.Believe me,your friend who lost his Mom will remember who was there in his time of need and that's you....Good on you for doing the right thing. :)

[jujigatame]

Situations involving the death of a person, known to you or not, can easily exacerbate emotions in all directions. Perhaps they're uncomfortable with it and will express their condolences some other way. Maybe they have a quiet word with this person that only the two of them ever know about. Everyone can have a different way of trying to do the "right thing."

If, however, you find that this person has no real interest in supporting a friend during a tough time then I guess you'd need to consider it accordingly.

[type00rev]

I feel the same as you my friend. "Friends" are obligated to pay their last respects, and provide support to those whom have lost.

My best friend David was killed in an auto accident back in December. All of our friends showed up for the viewing & funeral except one. This guy, who always claimed he'd be there 'till the end......was ultimately NOT there when he was needed most by friends and family. He didn't even show up for the viewing, let alone the funeral. This is very disrespectful IMO. Yeah, he posted a RIP on his Myspace in memory of David, then proceeded with his "travel plans".

I don't know about everyone here.....but, I wouldn't miss my "BEST FRIENDS" funeral for anything.

I know your situation is a little different, but the idea of supporting friends in a time of need is the same. Sorry for the rant.....this still upsets me.

[The Mastiff]

I agree that going would be the correct thing to do. As far as you making him feel bad about going, it probably won't be necessessary as he will likely carry guilt around from his actions. I know I'd beat myself up if I did something like that. Joe

[wescobts]

I feel the same as you my friend. "Friends" are obligated to pay their last respects, and provide support to those whom have lost.

My best friend David was killed in an auto accident back in December. All of our friends showed up for the viewing & funeral except one. This guy, who always claimed he'd be there 'till the end......was ultimately NOT there when he was needed most by friends and family. He didn't even show up for the viewing, let alone the funeral. This is very disrespectful IMO. Yeah, he posted a RIP on his Myspace in memory of David, then proceeded with his "travel plans".

I don't know about everyone here.....but, I wouldn't miss my "BEST FRIENDS" funeral for anything.

I know your situation is a little different, but the idea of supporting friends in a time of need is the same. Sorry for the rant.....this still upsets me.

My dear friend,

I am truly sorry for your loss, it shows what character you have to even comment on such a subject, I hope peace shines on you. Thank you for your response, I feel the way you do, I would not miss being there for my friend in need. I saw this person today and they acted as if nothing had occurred. I did not even mention anything, there is guilt and some kind of demon that is present, I won't add to it.

[wescobts]

I agree that going would be the correct thing to do. As far as you making him feel bad about going, it probably won't be necessessary as he will likely carry guilt around from his actions. I know I'd beat myself up if I did something like that. Joe

You and I think the same, just leave it be, it bad enough as it is.
Thanks Joe

[JD Spydo]

This is truly an interesting debate. Because when my mother died I had 2 friends ( or at least I thought they were) who didn't show up for the funeral or visitation and didn't even give condolences or send any cards>> and these were guys that my mother did many things for. I had another friend ( or pretender) who assured me that he would be a pallbearer just a week before she passed and he gave a very weak excuse for backing out>> but he did at least attend the visitation.

My mother was very good to all of the aforementioned friends ( or phonies) throughout the years.

Here's how I look at it>> Just like a guy driving an old beat up car makes a great "Gold-Digger Filter" I think funerals, tradgedys, sickness and financial hardships make excellent "Pretend Friend Filters" as well .

[ozspyder]

Interesting discussion here,

I am about to get into my monkey suit to attend a funeral of someone whom I do not even know. He was a sprint car driver and was the son of my local butcher. The butcher has looked after me and my family and always seems to give me the time of day and always asks after my family etc. Him and his family have sort of become friends , and as such I am paying my respects to him by attending his son's funeral.

I am busy as all ****, but I think at times of need and sorrow the attendance of such matters is of importance. The grieving family may not even remember if you attended or not, and most likely they won't care much as they are deep in their own emotional minefield. However, those friends that attended will notice those 'friends' who didn't attend.

This 'friend' that didn't want to attend might have a very hard time at funerals and might feel that they would embarrass the family by attending etc. (I know I have very hard time attending these things I as break down even if I don't know them). Whatever the reason they gave it may be for a valid reason, and it was good you left it alone rather than make them feel guilty about not paying their final respects.

Wish me luck. I am about to break down at a funeral which some estimate might have 700-800 attendees.

I hate funerals, especially when they are so young