Family friendly jokes

[The Meat man]

When does a joke become a dad joke?

► Show Spoiler

When the punch line is apparent.

[Doc Dan]

My car has a button for nearly everything. It even has one that says "rear wiper." I'm still too afraid to use that one.

[The Meat man]

Haha! :D

[Doc Dan]

Man: Two years ago, my brother ran for Congress.
Friend: What does he do now?
Man: Nothing—he got elected!

[Doc Dan]

Did you hear about the first restaurant to open on the moon? It didn't do well. It had great food, but no atmosphere.

[standy99]

We used to have Steve Jobs,Bob Hope and Johnny Cash......


Now we have

no jobs,

no hope and

no cash....


Please,please



don't let Kevin Bacon die!!

[standy99]

I was on a diabetes awareness site and it asked me if accept cookies…

Is that a trick question?

[Doc Dan]

[standy99]

[Doc Dan]

A confused man with a map in his hand approached a local man in the city he was visiting.

“What’s the quickest way to get downtown?” he asked.

The local man scratched his head, and said: “Are you walking or driving?”

“I’m driving,” the tourist replied.

“Yup, that’s the quickest way!”

[Doc Dan]

Archaeologists exploring a pyramid in Egypt have made a sweet discovery: a mummy wrapped in chocolate and hazelnuts!

► Show Spoiler

They suspect it might be a Pharaoh Rocher.

[Doc Dan]

This was just too good to pass up posting.


This video pretends to be How It's Made show, but it isn't. It cracks me up.

[Doc Dan]

Two lifelong friends got together for lunch one day.

“Mike, I’m in a terrible pickle,” the first man stated.

“I’m strapped for cash, my rent is due tomorrow and I haven’t the slightest idea where I’m going to get it from!”

“Well, that’s good to hear,” answered Mike with a smile. “I was afraid you might have an idea that you could borrow it from me!”

[Doc Dan]

Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband: “I bet you don’t know what day it is today”.

“Of course I do,” he indignantly answered, getting up from the table and going out the door to the office.

At 10am, the doorbell rang. When the woman opened the door, she was handed a box containing a dozen long-stemmed red roses. At 1pm, a foil-wrapped box of her favourite chocolates arrived. Later, a boutique delivered a designer dress.

The woman couldn’t wait for her husband to come home. When he did, she exclaimed: “First the flowers, then the chocolates and then the dress! I’ve never had a more wonderful day for a dental cleaning in my life!”

[Doc Dan]

A couple of cannibals are sitting around, and one says:
“I don’t like my brother-in-law very much.”

The other one responds, “Then just eat the rice.”

[Doc Dan]

[Manixguy@1994]

MG2

[Doc Dan]

MG2

It could be that, or something I'm not going to say because I'll get in trouble.

[TomAiello]

I'm definitely in favor of global warming then.

[Doc Dan]

Why is it called camouflage and not