First Heartbreak at 23

[BigFishShamu]

Hello all,

I was just branching out to pick people’s brains from the Spydie forum (trying to avoid the Reddit style posts) about some advice on this/to vent my recent thoughts. I recently graduated in December, and my girlfriend has been there for pretty much all of those pivotal moments. I even got her the Ladybug Salt with her name engraved on it for our 6 months. She has been there for my Muay Thai competitions and all my ups and downs. Likewise for myself. I have helped repair her car, do grocery runs, helped her parents maintain a pool while they were out of town, and all the usual things couples do. Probably the brightest 9 months of my life. My first girlfriend at 23.

Life changed my path. The girl who used to be an avid runner who ran 5-6mi/day and book enthusiast turned to drugs and alcohol seemingly over the past week. It hurt me so much. She didn’t even look or talk like the same person. Skipping college classes and everything.

I lost my best friend on Super Bowl Sunday to the “college life.” I’ve got the police academy coming up in April so I will have my hands full and be focused on that. I wish her the best, but it hurts knowing that you cannot save everyone. It is ultimately their choice to make that change for the better.

I’ve come to the realization that this is the time to bite down on the mouthguard, chin down, and press forward.

Shoutout to the Spyderco community for always being awesome.

-G

[MacLaren]

Your right. Nothing you can do.
Worry about you. You are gona have your hands full. Just keep your head down and keep moving bro.

[The Meat man]

Man, sorry to hear that!
Was there any particular reason she turned to drugs/alcohol so quickly? (Not that you need to share it here, just asking the natural question.) It's hard to imagine someone who is physically and mentally active as you say she was, suddenly abandoning that overnight for no reason. Or was it simply the peer pressure that comes with the modern college scene these days? The answers to these questions might tell you whether or not there is any hope of repairing/reviving the relationship in the future.

In any case, you have my sympathy, and I would encourage you to use this as an opportunity to look into yourself, as well - which I'm sure you've done already - and see what you might be able to do to make things better for yourself in the future. I don't know if you are religious, but joining a good, healthy church/religious community can help enormously - not only in making it more likely for you to meet likeminded, stable people, but also in helping you on your own journey of growth and maturity.

Whatever you do, don't lose heart or give up (at 23 I can't see that happening ) Be careful not to overreact by entering into any unwise relationships while you are still working through the breakup. If this relationship really is over for good, then the best thing you can do, as you say, is put it behind you as best you can and throw yourself into your upcoming police academy work. (Best wishes on that by the way, and thanks for being willing to serve!)

All the best,
Connor

[TkoK83Spy]

I'm having a hard time understanding, did you "lose" her, as in she passed away/overdosed? Or saying it in the sense that she isn't the same person?

If this is someone you've been with for 9 months and really care about, I don't think I'd let a week of whatever this may be, make me run away. This might be her way of acting out, seeking attention, or her way of showing she needs some help and needs to talk to somebody? I know in those early 20's the brains are all over the place. One week of this isn't worth giving up on if you truly care, but you definitely need to get to the bottom of it and have a serious conversation. You may even want to let her family know or speak to them about it. She's obviously young, and would hate to see a kid throw their life away. I'm sure they would really appreciate that. Maybe they know something you don't?

[BigFishShamu]

I'm having a hard time understanding, did you "lose" her, as in she passed away/overdosed? Or saying it in the sense that she isn't the same person?

If this is someone you've been with for 9 months and really care about, I don't think I'd let a week of whatever this may be, make me run away. This might be her way of acting out, seeking attention, or her way of showing she needs some help and needs to talk to somebody? I know in those early 20's the brains are all over the place. One week of this isn't worth giving up on if you truly care, but you definitely need to get to the bottom of it and have a serious conversation. You may even want to let her family know or speak to them about it. She's obviously young, and would hate to see a kid throw their life away. I'm sure they would really appreciate that. Maybe they know something you don't?

She just went her separate ways. Yelling at me and acting like a total different person. Her family has seemed to move on too.

[Naperville]

It's complicated.

She picked me up by inviting me to a party with her friends. She told me once she had been smoking maryjane since she was 12! We had a decent relationship but we argued for years over her drug use, and it wasn't just maryjane. She started to dabble in harder drugs. Over the years, I started to get pulled into her party group. In the end I resisted it all. One night in a heated argument over her drug use she said, "I'd rather get high than date you!" so I put her out of the car about 3 miles from her home. I'd had enough of the BS.

She still hates me and it's 35 years later! Like it's my fault?! It's hilarious!

NONE of the other people I ever married or dated ever did any drugs, didn't even smoke cigarettes. I'll be 64 this year.

Some people cannot be reasoned with at all. Some people are drug addicts, burnouts, junkies. Some people are full of themselves and think that you will stick around no matter what they do to you.

Do I miss her? Have I changed my mind? Not really. Like I said, it's complicated. You have to make decisions based on what you know and how you want to live. I did not know where they were going with their drug habit and I did not want to be tied to that scene. Some people make it out alive, and others die from it.

It's over, now forgetaboutit.

[BigFishShamu]

I'm having a hard time understanding, did you "lose" her, as in she passed away/overdosed? Or saying it in the sense that she isn't the same person?

If this is someone you've been with for 9 months and really care about, I don't think I'd let a week of whatever this may be, make me run away. This might be her way of acting out, seeking attention, or her way of showing she needs some help and needs to talk to somebody? I know in those early 20's the brains are all over the place. One week of this isn't worth giving up on if you truly care, but you definitely need to get to the bottom of it and have a serious conversation. You may even want to let her family know or speak to them about it. She's obviously young, and would hate to see a kid throw their life away. I'm sure they would really appreciate that. Maybe they know something you don't?

Thank you my friend! I believe it was the college influences and the little birdies chirping. It took me all by surprise.