Favorite chuck Norris joke

[abbazaba]

Chuck Norris doesn't sleep, he waits.

[abbazaba]

Fact.

[Doc Dan]

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

[Brock O Lee]

[James Y]

https://youtu.be/ZrHmcpRAZNs

Jim

[ChrisinHove]

Hahaha! Brilliant!

[TomAiello]

My favorite Chuck Norris joke isn't a joke, it's a true story:

On this day in 1994, it was just Norris, who had no reason to think he would need to be on alert for potential thieves. He was a world champion fighter and tang soo do master and, even though it would be a decade or more before "Chuck Norris Facts" proliferated on the internet, everyone knew that the boogeyman checks for Chuck Norris under his bed every night.

As Norris walked down the street, two men approached him. They were a little bigger than the TV star and began to crowd him. Norris thought they wanted autographs. He smiled as the two men produced knives and demanded his wallet.

Norris had not only mastered tang soo do, he went back and mastered Judo, along with Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, Taekwondo and Karate. He used his skills to create his own style of fighting, called Chun Kuk Do. Even if the attackers didn't know anything about these skills, Norris had been a martial arts master and film star for decades.

You can probably guess what happened next.

By the time the Dallas Police Department rolled up on the scene, they had to save the would-be muggers from Norris, who had broken the men's arms and reduced them to puddles on the sidewalk, according to his autobiography.

Source: https://www.military.com/veteran-jobs/t ... teran.html


I actually saw an interview with one of the responding police officers (which I unfortunately can't find right now) in which he related that the muggers actually knew who Chuck Norris was, and thought that his martial arts skills were just Hollywood show, and that he had stunt performers do the actual fighting.

[James Y]

Chuck Norris was definitely the real deal, in terms of his martial arts and fighting ability. Actually much better than his movies indicated.

There was one man, who died earlier this year, who even Chuck Norris wouldn’t have wanted to mess with: Jim Harrison, one of the true pioneers of Judo and Karate in America, among many other things.

“Jim Harrison saved my life once; he pulled his punch an inch from my face.” - Chuck Norris.

“I fear no man, but Jim Harrison and Mike Stone are the last two men that I would wish to meet in an alley fight.” - Bruce Lee.

There were quite a number of old-school American martial artists of that generation who had true stories of successfully defending themselves in real life, sometimes brutally.

Jim

[ChrisinHove]

Many years ago, a couple of thugs tried to mug my school’s judo instructor, a little wiry chap, that ended in a similar fashion.... much to all our delight!

[Doc Dan]

In the movie, Bruce Lee beat Chuck Norris. In real life, I think Chuck would win. My reasoning? Both were skilled, but Chuck had experience in actual tournaments and fights. Lee had little.

[James Y]

In the movie, Bruce Lee beat Chuck Norris. In real life, I think Chuck would win. My reasoning? Both were skilled, but Chuck had experience in actual tournaments and fights. Lee had little.

That’s possible, but we’ll never know.

I do know there’s one man who could beat both Bruce Lee AND Chuck Norris on the mat: “Judo” Gene LeBell. On the set of The Green Hornet, and off-camera, LeBell was able to get ahold of Lee and carry him aloft. Bruce was saying, “When you put me down I’m gonna kill you. Put me down!” To which LeBell responded, “I can’t, because if I do, you’ll kill me, Champ.” However, LeBell said that later Bruce trained with him in grappling; that he picked it up really fast, and had the never-quit fighting spirit. Which is quite something, when Gene LeBell says that about you.

Also, during a training session, LeBell made Chuck Norris, Bob Wall (Chuck’s student), and legendary Australian martial artist and former bodyguard of the stars, Richard Norton, all tap out one after the other. IIRC, Richard Norton actually screamed and passed out from the pain at one point, and he is a genuine tough guy.

LeBell is also the guy who famously choked out Steven Seagal and made him soil himself on the set of Under Siege for bullying the other stuntmen.

There was a 1960s-era karate fighter, the late Louis Delgado, who had competed against and even defeated Chuck Norris. He had a rare opportunity to actually spar with Bruce Lee. According to Delgado himself, he was totally outclassed by Bruce Lee, and had never experienced anything like it before. Also reportedly, Delgado’s Karate gi top got torn during the sparring session.

Jim

[Doc Dan]

Chuck Norris has developed a lot since those days, though. He has black belts in Ju-jitsu, Judo, and other forms now.

[Doc Dan]

Chuck Norris is 80. Time waits for no one, unless that person is Chuck Norris.

[James Y]

Chuck Norris has developed a lot since those days, though. He has black belts in Ju-jitsu, Judo, and other forms now.

True. But I’m talking about when Chuck and Bruce were alive at the same time.

The training session where Chuck was easily tapped out by Gene LeBell was long after Bruce died. Even with all of Chuck’s other, later black belts, I would still have rated Gene LeBell (and Jim Harrison) more dangerous than Chuck (blasphemy, I know). :)

Note: Out of the list of arts Chuck mastered, Tang Soo Do (his first art) is basically the same thing as original (1950s/early ‘60s era) Tae Kwon Do. The names were often used interchangeably. Many TSD masters switched between calling their art TKD and vice versa. The differences were more political/federation-related, and forms (kata)-related.

Jim

[James Y]

Chuck Norris killed 2 stones with 1 bird.

Chuck Norris never flushes the toilet; he just scares the crap out of it.

Jim

[Mk-211]

When chuck norris left for college, he told his father, "your the man of the house now."

[SpyderEdgeForever]

Chuck Norris eats charcoal and s**ts/poops diamonds.

Seriously, I have great respect, love, and admiration for the man. He is one of my favorite real life action heroes and movie stars.

Did you all know Norris sued the author of one of the joke books about him?

"Chuck Norris sues author, publisher of 'The Truth About Chuck Norris' Tough-guy actor Chuck Norris has delivered a legal blow to the Penguin Group and the author of a satirical book titled The Truth About Chuck Norris, to prevent the book's distribution.Dec 22, 2007"

https://www.cbc.ca/news/entertainment/c ... s-1.662216

From the article:

"Some of those myths listed, according to court documents: Chuck Norris's tears cure cancer, he can charge a cell phone by rubbing it against his beard and "Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits."

The 67-year-old Tae Kwon Do master says he never authorized Penguin or its Gotham Books division to use his name, image or likeness in connection with commercial sales of the book, published Nov. 29."

[Doc Dan]

The 67-year-old Tae Kwon Do master

Tang Soo Do

[James Y]

Not that anybody here cares, but...

Tang Soo Do and Tae Kwon Do are both Korean versions of Japanese Shotokan Karate. This is something that Korean martial artists don't like to talk about. But facts are facts. They are NOT 5,000 year-old Korean fighting methods, or whatever they've claimed in their books. Both arts were based off of Shotokan, which itself was modernized from older Okinawan Karate methods in the early 20th century, for acceptance and mass consumption in "mainland" Japan.

In the early years of Tang Soo Do and Tae Kwon Do, they were virtually identical; they both trained Karate hand and leg techniques extensively. The differences were mostly political.

It was said that Hwang Kee studied both Kung Fu and Shotokan to create Tang Soo Do, but in reality there is little to no Kung Fu influence (Northern or Southern style) in Tang Soo Do. Other than the addition of a few kicks, TSD is "Korean Karate."

General Choi Hong Hi was only a 2nd Dan in Shotokan Karate when he went back to Korea to develop Tae Kwon Do. He supposedly added some kicks from Taekkyon, an ancient Korean kicking art, but later it was revealed that he lied, and supposedly Taekkyon masters deny any connection of their art to TKD.

Modern Tae Kwon Do as seen in the Olympics is strictly a kicking sport that's been radically changed to distinguish itself from its Japanese roots as a uniquely Korean art. I won't go into the messy history of the how and why of General Choi's fall from grace in S. Korea, and the revamping of TKD to emphasize almost only kicking.

Korean Hapkido (founded by Choi Yong-Sool) is originally the Korean version of Japanese Daito-ryu Aikijujutsu, with some added kicks, strikes, etc. 'Hapkido' is the Korean pronunciation of 'Aikido', which was developed from Daito-ryu Aikijujutsu by Morihei Ueshiba.

Jim

[SpyderEdgeForever]

Jim please educate me on the above. One Tai Kwan Do person told me TKD is more about discipline but can be used to destroy attackers, even crushing their bones to powder if needed. A second told me its useless in real world street defense and stuff like Kung Fu and Krav Maga are better. Which is right?