How Would Michael Janich Combat Zombies?

[Bolster]

Every time I watch The Walking Dead I think to myself, "Ah, you're killing the zombies all wrong."* Why get your forearm within biting distance? Why not disable the zombie at the legs and move on?

Then I got to thinking...how would Michael Janich combat zombies?

*Except for the girl that ripped off a Zombie's leg and then stabbed him in the eye with the jagged protruding bone from his own dismembered calf...that was done right.

[Naperville]

It's been a very long time since I watched a movie on how to dispatch a Zombie. Maybe 3 or 4 decades ago I saw The Walking Dead.

I've studied the basics of the arts that Michael Janich studied, escrima, arnis, and kali. He seems like the kind of guy to sit down and study the situation and think about how to defeat Zombies. Maybe going for the disable move on the legs works.

I NEED TO REWATCH THE MOVIE.

[Jim Malone]

I guess Michael would use a bite sleeve. You present the bite sleeve and once the zombies latches on he stabs them from the side. But he will probably have to borrow a bright green handled black bladed zombie slayer with sawback serrations on the spine from someone from the internet or buy one, now he's on shot show. Only these blades are sufficent to kill zombies.
I'm still not certain what to do with the zombie saliva on the bite sleeve.

[VashHash]

I always wonder why no one uses spears. It's always a knife or machete or some kind of bludgeon. I mean sometimes they use guns or crossbows. I didn't really watch past the second season of walking dead. Just most zombie movies no spears are used. Even a shovel to keep distance or something. A sharpened Broom stick or Mop handle. Also how long can zombies live without food? Why don't their eyes deflate from lack of blood pressure? How does it all work. I just have more questions.

[Doc Dan]

I suspect he would use a shotgun. I know I would.

[rgc]

I suspect he would use a shotgun. I know I would.

Nah, if it is just a bullet to the brain give me two Kel-tec PMR30 in a dual shoulder holster. Sixty rounds of ammo for the horde.

[James Y]

I always wonder why no one uses spears. It's always a knife or machete or some kind of bludgeon. I mean sometimes they use guns or crossbows. I didn't really watch past the second season of walking dead. Just most zombie movies no spears are used. Even a shovel to keep distance or something. A sharpened Broom stick or Mop handle. Also how long can zombies live without food? Why don't their eyes deflate from lack of blood pressure? How does it all work. I just have more questions.

The problem with a spear is that the zombie may simply walk or run up on you after you stab it. Then your spear is stuck. And it probably wouldn't even kill it. I've never watched The Walking Dead, but in every George Romero zombie movie (which were clearly the inspirations for Walking Dead) that I've ever seen, the only way to 'kill' a zombie, which is already dead anyway, is to destroy its brain.

I would imagine some type of 2-handed sword would probably be best, for decapitation. Even if the head was still alive, all the head could do is gnash its teeth at nothing, and the body would fall, lifeless. Then you could smash the head with a rock.

Too graphic?

I've always thought that zombies have a finite "life"span. They are technically dead, so I would think their bodies would eventually decompose and begin to fall apart. Especially zombies that were partially eaten before they turned. Unless the energy that makes them undead somehow preserves them.

Jim

[Bolster]

I always wonder why no one uses spears. It's always a knife or machete or some kind of bludgeon. I mean sometimes they use guns or crossbows. I didn't really watch past the second season of walking dead. Just most zombie movies no spears are used. Even a shovel to keep distance or something. A sharpened Broom stick or Mop handle. Also how long can zombies live without food? Why don't their eyes deflate from lack of blood pressure? How does it all work. I just have more questions.

The problem with a spear is that the zombie may simply walk or run up on you after you stab it. Then your spear is stuck. And it probably wouldn't even kill it. I've never watched The Walking Dead, but ...

Well there's the problem! Another season has been released on Netflix, with even more gratuitous gore than before, so you'd better get to it. If you had been watching, you'd know that piercing zombie brain causes the zombie to collapse like a sack of rotted meat.

I'm with VashHash, always wondering why Roman-type spears aren't in use. I guess because spears are too safe and efficient, snick snick, small hole, done. (In the middle ages they made spearheads with "collars" so the penetration couldn't go too deep, which solved the zombie walk-up problem.) Whereas with bludgeoning, you can get good blood & gut splatter everywhere. And with knives, you get great close-ups.

I would like to see Michael Janich make a guest appearance on TWD and show everybody how it's done.

Nah, if it is just a bullet to the brain give me two Kel-tec PMR30 in a dual shoulder holster. Sixty rounds of ammo for the horde.

Nooo! The bullets are long gone, only a few elite hoarders have bullets anymore, and they're usually evil. All the righteous people are weilding knives, machetes, arrows, or bludgeons. You can basically tell how good a character is, by how inefficient his or her weapon is. Your Kel-tec would make you extremely evil!

[James Y]

I always wonder why no one uses spears. It's always a knife or machete or some kind of bludgeon. I mean sometimes they use guns or crossbows. I didn't really watch past the second season of walking dead. Just most zombie movies no spears are used. Even a shovel to keep distance or something. A sharpened Broom stick or Mop handle. Also how long can zombies live without food? Why don't their eyes deflate from lack of blood pressure? How does it all work. I just have more questions.

The problem with a spear is that the zombie may simply walk or run up on you after you stab it. Then your spear is stuck. And it probably wouldn't even kill it. I've never watched The Walking Dead, but ...

Well there's the problem! Another season has been released on Netflix, with even more gratuitous gore than before, so you'd better get to it. If you had been watching, you'd know that piercing zombie brain causes the zombie to collapse like a sack of rotted meat.

I'm with VashHash, always wondering why Roman-type spears aren't in use. I guess because spears are too safe and efficient, snick snick, small hole, done. (In the middle ages they made spearheads with "collars" so the penetration couldn't go too deep, which solved the zombie walk-up problem.) Whereas with bludgeoning, you can get good blood & gut splatter everywhere. And with knives, you get great close-ups.

In other words, destroying the brain; the same way the zombies are killed in the Romero movies.

OK, well, the collar on a spear would of course nullify the overpenetration problem. That's what I would use if I had a choice.

Jim

[Halfneck]

I watched The Walking Dead up until the last 2-3 seasons. By that point I was rooting for the Zombies. The amount of repetitive stupid decisions they kept making became too much. "Hey let's not post anyone on watch while we sleep. Never mind there are zombies and other bad humans around, and it's bitten us in the *** many times before - this time will be different..." Seemed to be the thought process.

Re: Spears vs Zombies

Never understood why you would not use your knife to whittle a sharp point on a stick to stab the zombies in the head. Instead, let's close to bite distance so I can stab them with my knife. Just stupid. Use the knife as a tool to make other weapons & shelter. You are far better off using a spear to keep them at distance. Additionally you don't risk damaging your knife & losing it's tool use. If you really want to go close combat with a zombie then a Hammer would be a better weapon to use.

Re: Firearms vs. Zombies

I've always thought the .22 long rifle would be a better round to use. Killing zombies is more about shot placement (head shots) than tissue damage. Much easier to do with a .22lr than most heavier recoiling centerfire rounds. Added bonus is you can carry a lot more ammo too. Watching them spray & pray for killshots with an AR/M16 variant is annoying. If you got a horde of undead maybe target the pelvis/hip/leg for immobilization instead. Then when they are trying to crawl just send out a team with pointy spears to finish them off.

Anyway, I get it - it's a fantasy scenario so the drama adds to the viewing numbers.

[TomAiello]

The problem with a spear is that the zombie may simply walk or run up on you after you stab it.

Isn't that why boar spears have cross guards?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boar_spear

[VashHash]

The problem with a spear is that the zombie may simply walk or run up on you after you stab it.

Isn't that why boar spears have cross guards?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boar_spear

That's the exact kind of spear I was thinking of. But again a shovel would suffice if you sharpen it a little. As far as spears getting stuck you could essentially make barricades with spears they could impale themselves. Maybe not dead but immobilized. Just tactics and history go out the window in these scenarios. Don't forget pitch forks. Small cross section and it would keep them from walk up. Should be able to brain them easily.

[Tristan_david2001]

I wouldn’t pick a spear over a good sword, the efforts it takes to thrust it forward accurately into the head and pull it out seems a lot slower than a swift beheading. I’d think the ideal blade for quick zombie be-heading would be some kind of long katana sword.

[Bolster]

I watched The Walking Dead up until the last 2-3 seasons. By that point I was rooting for the Zombies. The amount of repetitive stupid decisions they kept making became too much.

LOL, too true! LOL. At some point these dramas "jump the shark" by having their characters make one dumb decision after another, so there's corrective action required to survive and move the plot (now a zombie in its own sense) forward. Or, as they age, the shows turn into moralistic lessons on political correctness. TWD has gotten preachy; it feels like its purpose is social engineering. I remember when Simpsons stopped being really funny and started being just a little funny and mostly preachy.

Regards spears: The Greeks and Romans did most of their killing with spear rather than sword...I think the reason was, efficiency of movement + standoff ability. I think sword was pulled in the event the distance closed, or the spear was lost/broken. Daggers were of course last resort, but you wouldn't know that, watching TWD.

[twinboysdad]

Being a Mike J fan, my guess is he would throw cycling hammer fists and low oblique kicks to the knee and a comma cut to their thigh with his folder…because he has thousands of reps in those

[ykspydiefan]

First, I like the idea of Mr. Janich being there to defend me.

Then, I had never thought of .22lr vs Zombie but it is a really great option especially considering how much ammo one can carry.

I have always thought a pole arm, something with a spade shaped blade capable of decapitation and 6-8ft of distance would be great. As noted above, cross guards would be essential when using it as a spear for thrusting into a brain.

In a way I vision it like the movie Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, swinging and sending heads flying.

But seriously, an Avian Zombie Virus would be really terrifying. There are just too many of them flying around and their brains/heads being small would be really hard to hit.

[yablanowitz]

The last time I saw Mike, he was still in the real world where zombies aren't a problem. You fight them by turning off the TV. There are so many inconsistencies in the zombie scenario that the whole thing is ridiculous. If they can still walk around and attack with half their muscle structure gone, why would brain trauma stop them? If they are dead, why are they still breathing? (Must have air going over their vocal chords to moan and groan.) If they are still breathing and eating, but not swelling up until they burst, they must be digesting and metabolizing what they eat, so why are they decomposing?

A long handled sharpshooter makes an excellent weapon, by the way.

[TomAiello]

https://zombietools.net

One of my friends actually bought me the 'Apokatana' that these guys make, as a gift. Their website is truly hilarious.

For example: https://zombietools.net/collections/bla ... reaper-iii

"The Reaper III sports a shorter handle and a longer blade than its predecessor, which means your hands stay closer to you and farther away from any undead jerkass that might be trying to interrupt a perfectly good afternoon of day-drinking at the graveyard."

[ChrisinHove]

Maybe use one of those very long handled hedge pruning shears?

It would allow accurate placement on neck or limb, at distance without unnecessary swinging about.

Probably lacks sufficient flair or drama for TV though!

[legOFwhat?]

Z-Wear mule, obviously!