Family friendly jokes

[Doc Dan]

The Monastery was running out of money, so the Brothers decided to open a Fish 'N' Chips stand. A customer walked up to the window to place his order and told the Brother that he only wanted an order of Chips, but no Fish. The Brother replied - Sorry, I'm the Fish Friar, you'll have to give your order to the Chip Monk.

that was corny enough it made me laugh.

[Doc Dan]

My therapist suggested that I should write letters to everyone that's ever made me angry in my life, and then burn them.

I did that. But now what do I do with the letters?

[z4vdBt]

lol

[Bloke]

Tarzan was been out hunting the evening meal. Jane was getting hungry and hoping he’d bring home something good to eat.

He finally came home and dumped a finch and two small Chimpanzees on the kitchen table.

Jane sighed, rolled her eyes, shot him a filthy look and said “Not finch and chimps again!”

[Doc Dan]

Hahaha! :D

[James Y]

Great ones, everyone!

Now here’s a bad one...

Did you know that Dublin is the fastest-growing city in Europe?

Every year it keeps doublin’ and doublin’...

:rolleyes:

Jim

[bearrowland]

Found this one, and even my wife chuckled

I once gave my husband the silent treatment for an entire week, at the end of which he declared, “Hey, we’re getting along pretty great lately!”

[z4vdBt]

The man was traveling by train. There were a couple of large boxes of liquor on the shelf above him. Drops dripped from there. The man opened his mouth. It was not whiskey. Nor cognac. Something more exciting. He took more drops in his mouth. Would it be Cointreau? More resinous. Greek Retsina? He looked for a passenger whose boxes were on the shelf.

What do you have in those boxes?

Oh there. Hound puppies

[z4vdBt]

Pickpocketing on an elevator is wrong on so many levels.

[Doc Dan]

The man was traveling by train. There were a couple of large boxes of liquor on the shelf above him. Drops dripped from there. The man opened his mouth. It was not whiskey. Nor cognac. Something more exciting. He took more drops in his mouth. Would it be Cointreau? More resinous. Greek Retsina? He looked for a passenger whose boxes were on the shelf.

What do you have in those boxes?

Oh there. Hound puppies

Yuk! Hahahah! I like a good sick joke.

[Doc Dan]

Good ones guys. Keep ‘em coming. We all need a laugh and Bloke has all but disappeared.

[Doc Dan]

Nearly 100k views.

[Doc Dan]

Sam died and left $50,000 in his will for an elaborate funeral.

As the last attenders left, Sam’s wife Rose turned to her oldest friend Sadie and said: “Well, I’m sure Sam would be pleased.”

“I’m sure you’re right,” replied Sadie, who leaned in close and lowered her voice to a whisper. “Tell me, how much did it really cost?”

“All of it,” said Rose. “Fifty thousand.”

“No!” Sadie exclaimed. “I mean, it was very nice, but really… $50,000?!”

Rose nodded. “The funeral was $6,500. I donated $500 to the church for the priest’s services. The food and drinks were another $500. And the rest went towards the memorial stone.”

Sadie computed quickly. “$42,500 for a memorial stone? Exactly how big is it?”

“Seven and a half carats.”

[Doc Dan]

[z4vdBt]

One Sunday morning a couple was attending their meeting at their local church. Midway through the sermon, the wife leans over to her husband and whispers - I just let out a silent fart, what should I do?

Her husband looks at her and responds - put another battery in your hearing aid.

[Doc Dan]

gas jokes never get old. I guess I’m a bit juvenile.

[z4vdBt]

A hamburger walks into a bar. The bartender says - Sorry, we don't serve food here.

[Doc Dan]

[bearrowland]

[bearfacedkiller]