Family friendly jokes

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Doc Dan
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Re: Family friendly jokes

Postby Doc Dan » Sun Sep 06, 2020 11:36 pm

z4vdBt wrote:
Sun Sep 06, 2020 6:42 pm
The Monastery was running out of money, so the Brothers decided to open a Fish 'N' Chips stand. A customer walked up to the window to place his order and told the Brother that he only wanted an order of Chips, but no Fish. The Brother replied - Sorry, I'm the Fish Friar, you'll have to give your order to the Chip Monk.
🤣 that was corny enough it made me laugh.
I Pray Heaven to Bestow The Best of Blessing on THIS HOUSE, and on ALL that shall hereafter Inhabit it. May none but Honest and Wise Men ever rule under This Roof! (John Adams regarding the White House)

Follow the Christ, the King,
Live pure, speak true, right wrong, follow the King--
Else, wherefore born?" (Tennyson)


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Re: Family friendly jokes

Postby Doc Dan » Mon Sep 07, 2020 11:34 pm

My therapist suggested that I should write letters to everyone that's ever made me angry in my life, and then burn them.

I did that. But now what do I do with the letters?
I Pray Heaven to Bestow The Best of Blessing on THIS HOUSE, and on ALL that shall hereafter Inhabit it. May none but Honest and Wise Men ever rule under This Roof! (John Adams regarding the White House)

Follow the Christ, the King,
Live pure, speak true, right wrong, follow the King--
Else, wherefore born?" (Tennyson)


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z4vdBt
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Re: Family friendly jokes

Postby z4vdBt » Tue Sep 08, 2020 2:49 am

lol

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Bloke
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Re: Family friendly jokes

Postby Bloke » Tue Sep 08, 2020 4:27 am

Tarzan was been out hunting the evening meal. Jane was getting hungry and hoping he’d bring home something good to eat.

He finally came home and dumped a finch and two small Chimpanzees on the kitchen table.

Jane sighed, rolled her eyes, shot him a filthy look and said “Not finch and chimps again!”
A day without laughter is a day wasted. ~ Charlie Chaplin

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Doc Dan
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Re: Family friendly jokes

Postby Doc Dan » Tue Sep 08, 2020 8:48 am

Hahaha! :D
I Pray Heaven to Bestow The Best of Blessing on THIS HOUSE, and on ALL that shall hereafter Inhabit it. May none but Honest and Wise Men ever rule under This Roof! (John Adams regarding the White House)

Follow the Christ, the King,
Live pure, speak true, right wrong, follow the King--
Else, wherefore born?" (Tennyson)


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James Y
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Re: Family friendly jokes

Postby James Y » Tue Sep 08, 2020 9:15 am

Great ones, everyone! 😄

Now here’s a bad one...

Did you know that Dublin is the fastest-growing city in Europe?

Every year it keeps doublin’ and doublin’...

:rolleyes:

Jim

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Re: Family friendly jokes

Postby bearrowland » Tue Sep 08, 2020 6:35 pm

Found this one, and even my wife chuckled 😁

I once gave my husband the silent treatment for an entire week, at the end of which he declared, “Hey, we’re getting along pretty great lately!”
Barry
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Re: Family friendly jokes

Postby z4vdBt » Tue Sep 08, 2020 6:53 pm

The man was traveling by train. There were a couple of large boxes of liquor on the shelf above him. Drops dripped from there. The man opened his mouth. It was not whiskey. Nor cognac. Something more exciting. He took more drops in his mouth. Would it be Cointreau? More resinous. Greek Retsina? He looked for a passenger whose boxes were on the shelf.

What do you have in those boxes?

Oh there. Hound puppies

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Re: Family friendly jokes

Postby z4vdBt » Tue Sep 08, 2020 6:55 pm

Pickpocketing on an elevator is wrong on so many levels.

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Re: Family friendly jokes

Postby Doc Dan » Tue Sep 08, 2020 11:24 pm

z4vdBt wrote:
Tue Sep 08, 2020 6:53 pm
The man was traveling by train. There were a couple of large boxes of liquor on the shelf above him. Drops dripped from there. The man opened his mouth. It was not whiskey. Nor cognac. Something more exciting. He took more drops in his mouth. Would it be Cointreau? More resinous. Greek Retsina? He looked for a passenger whose boxes were on the shelf.

What do you have in those boxes?

Oh there. Hound puppies
Yuk! Hahahah! I like a good sick joke.
I Pray Heaven to Bestow The Best of Blessing on THIS HOUSE, and on ALL that shall hereafter Inhabit it. May none but Honest and Wise Men ever rule under This Roof! (John Adams regarding the White House)

Follow the Christ, the King,
Live pure, speak true, right wrong, follow the King--
Else, wherefore born?" (Tennyson)


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Doc Dan
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Re: Family friendly jokes

Postby Doc Dan » Tue Sep 08, 2020 11:25 pm

Good ones guys. Keep ‘em coming. We all need a laugh and Bloke has all but disappeared.
I Pray Heaven to Bestow The Best of Blessing on THIS HOUSE, and on ALL that shall hereafter Inhabit it. May none but Honest and Wise Men ever rule under This Roof! (John Adams regarding the White House)

Follow the Christ, the King,
Live pure, speak true, right wrong, follow the King--
Else, wherefore born?" (Tennyson)


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Doc Dan
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Re: Family friendly jokes

Postby Doc Dan » Fri Sep 11, 2020 10:09 pm

Nearly 100k views.
I Pray Heaven to Bestow The Best of Blessing on THIS HOUSE, and on ALL that shall hereafter Inhabit it. May none but Honest and Wise Men ever rule under This Roof! (John Adams regarding the White House)

Follow the Christ, the King,
Live pure, speak true, right wrong, follow the King--
Else, wherefore born?" (Tennyson)


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Re: Family friendly jokes

Postby Doc Dan » Sat Sep 12, 2020 6:56 am

Sam died and left $50,000 in his will for an elaborate funeral.

As the last attenders left, Sam’s wife Rose turned to her oldest friend Sadie and said: “Well, I’m sure Sam would be pleased.”

“I’m sure you’re right,” replied Sadie, who leaned in close and lowered her voice to a whisper. “Tell me, how much did it really cost?”

“All of it,” said Rose. “Fifty thousand.”

“No!” Sadie exclaimed. “I mean, it was very nice, but really… $50,000?!”

Rose nodded. “The funeral was $6,500. I donated $500 to the church for the priest’s services. The food and drinks were another $500. And the rest went towards the memorial stone.”

Sadie computed quickly. “$42,500 for a memorial stone? Exactly how big is it?”

“Seven and a half carats.”
I Pray Heaven to Bestow The Best of Blessing on THIS HOUSE, and on ALL that shall hereafter Inhabit it. May none but Honest and Wise Men ever rule under This Roof! (John Adams regarding the White House)

Follow the Christ, the King,
Live pure, speak true, right wrong, follow the King--
Else, wherefore born?" (Tennyson)


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Doc Dan
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Re: Family friendly jokes

Postby Doc Dan » Sun Sep 13, 2020 6:53 am

Image
I Pray Heaven to Bestow The Best of Blessing on THIS HOUSE, and on ALL that shall hereafter Inhabit it. May none but Honest and Wise Men ever rule under This Roof! (John Adams regarding the White House)

Follow the Christ, the King,
Live pure, speak true, right wrong, follow the King--
Else, wherefore born?" (Tennyson)


NRA Life Member
Spydernation 0050

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z4vdBt
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Re: Family friendly jokes

Postby z4vdBt » Sun Sep 13, 2020 8:19 pm

One Sunday morning a couple was attending their meeting at their local church. Midway through the sermon, the wife leans over to her husband and whispers - I just let out a silent fart, what should I do?

Her husband looks at her and responds - put another battery in your hearing aid.

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Re: Family friendly jokes

Postby Doc Dan » Sun Sep 13, 2020 11:22 pm

😂😂 gas jokes never get old. I guess I’m a bit juvenile.
I Pray Heaven to Bestow The Best of Blessing on THIS HOUSE, and on ALL that shall hereafter Inhabit it. May none but Honest and Wise Men ever rule under This Roof! (John Adams regarding the White House)

Follow the Christ, the King,
Live pure, speak true, right wrong, follow the King--
Else, wherefore born?" (Tennyson)


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Re: Family friendly jokes

Postby z4vdBt » Tue Sep 15, 2020 6:20 pm

A hamburger walks into a bar. The bartender says - Sorry, we don't serve food here.

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Re: Family friendly jokes

Postby Doc Dan » Thu Sep 17, 2020 8:18 am

Image
I Pray Heaven to Bestow The Best of Blessing on THIS HOUSE, and on ALL that shall hereafter Inhabit it. May none but Honest and Wise Men ever rule under This Roof! (John Adams regarding the White House)

Follow the Christ, the King,
Live pure, speak true, right wrong, follow the King--
Else, wherefore born?" (Tennyson)


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Spydernation 0050

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Re: Family friendly jokes

Postby bearrowland » Fri Sep 18, 2020 8:50 am

😁
Barry
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For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two edged sword

Do what you can, where you are, with what you have! Theodore Roosevelt

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Re: Family friendly jokes

Postby bearfacedkiller » Fri Sep 18, 2020 12:02 pm

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-Darby
sal wrote:Knife afi's are pretty far out, steel junky's more so, but "edge junky's" are just nuts. :p
SpyderEdgeForever wrote: Also, do you think a kangaroo would eat a bowl of spagetti with sauce if someone offered it to them?


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