Family friendly jokes

[Bloke]

A bloke turns up uninvited to a fancy dress party, butt naked, piggy backing an equally naked woman.

The host is both amused and curious and asks, “What you two dressed as?”

Ole mate replies, “I’m a turtle and that’s Michelle”. :)

Definitely did not get that one on the first read. Then I remembered you're an Aussie, and I laughed !

Ah, hahaha, ah, hahaha, ah, hahaha! :)

I’ve been laughed at for all sorts of things, first time for being an Aussie! :p

[Doc Dan]

A bloke turns up uninvited to a fancy dress party, butt naked, piggy backing an equally naked woman.

The host is both amused and curious and asks, “What you two dressed as?”

Ole mate replies, “I’m a turtle and that’s Michelle”. :)

Definitely did not get that one on the first read. Then I remembered you're an Aussie, and I laughed !

Ah, hahaha, ah, hahaha, ah, hahaha! :)

I’ve been laughed at for all sorts of things, first time for being an Aussie! :p

I still don’t get it.

[Wartstein]

A bloke turns up uninvited to a fancy dress party, butt naked, piggy backing an equally naked woman.

The host is both amused and curious and asks, “What you two dressed as?”

Ole mate replies, “I’m a turtle and that’s Michelle”. :)

Definitely did not get that one on the first read. Then I remembered you're an Aussie, and I laughed !

Ah, hahaha, ah, hahaha, ah, hahaha! :)

I’ve been laughed at for all sorts of things, first time for being an Aussie! :p

I still don’t get it.

"turtle"... "my shell" - ?!

[Bloke]

"turtle"... "my shell" - ?!

Ah, hahaha! Thanks, Gernot! :cool:

If I ever visit the US I’ll shout you a trip too. I reckon an interpreter will likely come in handy, ay? Ah, hahaha! :) :confused:

[Doc Dan]

Aiyah! Hahahaha!

I was a little slow, not understanding turtle Michelle.

[Bloke]

Aiyah! Hahahaha!

I was a little slow, not understanding turtle Michelle.

I was starting to worry, Doc. :)

[Doc Dan]

Aiyah! Hahahaha!

I was a little slow, not understanding turtle Michelle.

I was starting to worry, Doc. :)

We don’t have that or perhaps I’m too old :D

[Bloke]

Aiyah! Hahahaha!

I was a little slow, not understanding turtle Michelle.

I was starting to worry, Doc. :)

We don’t have that or perhaps I’m too old :D

Ah, hahaha! None of us are getting any younger Doc, so don’t worry too much. :)

[Wartstein]

"turtle"... "my shell" - ?!

Ah, hahaha! Thanks, Gernot! :cool:

If I ever visit the US I’ll shout you a trip too. I reckon an interpreter will likely come in handy, ay? Ah, hahaha! :) :confused:

Man, a trip to the US with you would be great! (Sure we´d visit SFO too!) :)

But I have to say: "An Aussie and an Austrian are on a road trip in the US..." sounds EXACTLY how a "family friendly joke" might begin... :p :p :p

[Bloke]

"turtle"... "my shell" - ?!

Ah, hahaha! Thanks, Gernot! :cool:

If I ever visit the US I’ll shout you a trip too. I reckon an interpreter will likely come in handy, ay? Ah, hahaha! :) :confused:

Man, a trip to the US with you would be great! (Sure we´d visit SFO too!) :)

But I have to say: "An Aussie and an Austrian are on a road trip in the US..." sounds EXACTLY how a "family friendly joke" might begin... :p :p :p

Ah, hahaha, ah, hahaha, ah, hahaha!

Couldn’t agree more, Gernot. :)

After we went to SFO and shouted Mr Glesser a beer or two. I’d go to Asheville, NC, find that crazy MacLaren, shoot all his pistolas and God Knows what autos and semi autos he has then send him to Walmart for another 1000 rounds and a box or two of beer. :cool:

[Wartstein]

"turtle"... "my shell" - ?!

Ah, hahaha! Thanks, Gernot! :cool:

If I ever visit the US I’ll shout you a trip too. I reckon an interpreter will likely come in handy, ay? Ah, hahaha! :) :confused:

Man, a trip to the US with you would be great! (Sure we´d visit SFO too!) :)

But I have to say: "An Aussie and an Austrian are on a road trip in the US..." sounds EXACTLY how a "family friendly joke" might begin... :p :p :p

Ah, hahaha, ah, hahaha, ah, hahaha!

Couldn’t agree more, Gernot. :)

After we went to SFO and shouted Mr Glesser a beer or two. I’d go to Asheville, NC, find that crazy MacLaren, shoot all his pistolas and God Knows what autos and semi autos he has then send him to Walmart for another 1000 rounds and a box or two of beer. :cool:

Sounds like a perfectly planned through trip... when shall we meet at SFO (San Francisco Airport) and head off to the MUCH more important SFO (Spyderco factory outlet)? :D

[Bloke]

Sounds like a perfectly planned through trip... when shall we meet at SFO (San Francisco Airport) and head off to the MUCH more important SFO (Spyderco factory outlet)? :D

Ah, Gernot, beloved wife’s mother has been unwell for many years now and a few years back she (wife) gave up her job to look after her.

I’d love to visit the US but I won’t visit without her, particularly under the circumstances. But hey, who knows what tomorrow brings? :)

[z4vdBt]

I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said - Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours. He said - Yes, but not in a row.

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Steven Wright

[z4vdBt]

A guy walks into work, and both of his ears are all bandaged up. The boss says - What happened to your ears?

He says - Yesterday I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang and I accidentally answered the iron.

The boss says - Well, that explains one ear, but what happened to your other ear?

Well, jeez, I had to call the doctor!

[Bloke]

A bloke rings his boss one morning and tells him he won’t be in that day because of his eyes.

The boss is a little concerned and asks him what is actually wrong with his eyes?

“Couldn’t say for certain mate, but I just can’t see myself coming in today”. :rolleyes:

[Doc Dan]

Good ones

[z4vdBt]

A hillbillie goes into an electronics store and asks the sales associate - How much is that t.v? The sales associate says - sorry I don't sell to hillbillies.

So the hillbillie wears a fancy suit and hat and goes back. How much does that t.v cost? (in a British accent).

Look I already told you I don't sell to hillbillies.

So the hillbillie goes back home and covers his face with bandages so its impossible to recognize him. How much is that t.v?

How many f**** times do I have to tell that I don't sell to hillbillies?

Okay, fine I give up. I wont come here again but just tell me how you knew it was me.

That's not a t.v, its a microwave.

[Doc Dan]

Hahaha

[legOFwhat?]

Why don't hillbillies eat pickles?


Can't get their head in the jars!

Lord, I'm sorry :o

[Doc Dan]

Hahaha!