The loss of common courtesy

[v8r]

Is it me or has manners and being polite been lost in today's world?

[demoncase]

The fact that you didn't have the decency to have your man present my butler with your card before entering into conversation indicates that you may indeed be right. :D

[El Gato]

Sadly, you are absolutely correct. Unfortunately I believe this can only be changed on an individual basis.

[Blerv]

Depends on what country/world you are referring to.

In the USA, courtesy towards authority figures has certainly faded as people are quicker to question "why?". Courtesy towards the opposite sex has changed too depending on views of chivalry vs sexism.

It's a confusing world overall. I visited Naples just a month ago with my mother and wife. The men there tend to adore women and treat them accordingly. Simple comments on the street my mother (65) found flattering and my wife found insulting. Two distinct personalities and a generation between them.

I tend to smile and talk less to people in person than on the forums. Every conversation is a very polite elevator conversation while I'm constantly watching for my floor number to pop up. :p

[Mad Mac]

Courtesy differs between urban and rural areas, between blue states and red states. When it comes to courtesy, or the lack of it, there is such a thing as New York values. But it is spreading.

Adults set the example for children. Parents, significant others, show a lack of respect for each other, children pick up on it. What's to respect? Each successive generation grows less courteous than the previous one.

Rudeness is tolerated, even expected in some settings. Incivility becomes a matter of survival, the staking out of personal territory in an emotionally congested environment; mental armor to protect one's self image from possible verbal attacks.

If too many rats are placed in a cage, they begin killing each other. Cities are a breeding ground for frustration and contempt. I've lived in the country for six years now. There is no way I can return to the city where I lived for 38.

[Sully]

The fact that you didn't have the decency to have your man present my butler with your card before entering into conversation indicates that you may indeed be right. :D

So hysterical! And intentionally so. :D

Courtesy differs between urban and rural areas, between blue states and red states. When it comes to courtesy, or the lack of it, there is such a thing as New York values. But it is spreading.....

So laughable. Yet unknowingly so. What was the whole point of this thread again? :confused:

Sadly, you are absolutely correct. Unfortunately I believe this can only be changed on an individual basis.

So true. :)

[The Deacon]

Is it me or has manners and being polite been lost in today's world?

Guess it depends on what you consider "common courtesy", "manners", and "politeness". Examples would be helpful.

Certainly there's less formality, in both correspondence and conversation than there was 50-60 years ago. Companies, tradesmen, folks you've just met, and even small children address you by your first name. You can choose to view that as a decline in courtesy, a decline in snobbishness, or a mixture of both. And, for better or worse, phone calls and emails have also replaced a lot of written personal communication.

I will note that, in general, folks down here in SC are a lot more likely to smile, wave, start a conversation with a stranger than folks back in NY were. I also can't recall having a shopping cart bang into the back of my shin since I've been here.

I've also noticed in the last couple months, after hurting my leg and needing a cane at times, that even young folks still display at least some degree of deference for the old and infirm.

FWIW, the idea that the "world is going to the dogs" is not new. When I was a kid back in the 50's older people were saying the same thing. And, of course there's this gem, written by Socrates over 2000 years ago: “The children now love luxury. They have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise.” The more things change, the more they stay the same.

[SpyderEdgeForever]

I agree that there is definitely a degeneration of common courtesy and manners (then again it also depends on what you consider manners. Some would consider it and have told me it is rude to sip one's soup at a meal, I disagree.). I think it is a combination of issues: Spiritual, Economic, Etc. I also have seen some very courteous people, and I like Deacon's point that there were no "good old days" in human history, you can look back and see problems in all areas and time periods.
That being said, even taking those "cycles" into account...there is definitely an increased amount of this.

I am thankful that the folks at Spyderco have a perfect balance of courtesy and super customer service :)

[Donut]

I try, but it seems to get lost.

I get a thank you, but the thank you seems to only be because people were taught to say thank you.

There are people who really appreciate things and that is what I think is gone. True appreciation and thankfulness.

Maybe it's just us being busy/distracted. We don't have a few seconds to appreciate anything.


I usually don't try to think of what is different, but ask why is it different?

[Pinetreebbs]

Perhaps, but I have found what you project has much to do with what you receive.

[Evil D]

Courtesy towards the opposite sex has changed too depending on views of chivalry vs sexism.

What amazes me is some of the things I hear in popular music, sang by women would have gotten a man beaten or worse decades ago if they said it about a woman. There seems to be this trend where it's ok to cut down whatever group you like and even adopt the words that have oppressed that group as long as you belong to that group. For all the the equal rights that women (and others) have gained, it seems as if they've just taken to doing and saying the things that men used to be called sexist over, and now they're making money doing it.

This is a perfect example, and this is not made up. These lyrics actually exist in a song, and the rest of the song is far worse than this verse.

[SpyderEdgeForever]

Here is a question related to this topic: If you are a customer in a store and one of the workers fails to show you decent respect and courtesy, should you as the customer: A Make a big issue out of it and even go so far as to complain to management about their employee, or, B, just let it go and either not return to that particular store or just let it go completely? Or does it really depend on what level of rudeness or lack of courtesy they show you?

One reason I ask is this: I have seen some people go overboard with complaining about employee's behaviour at a store, and at other times, I have seen some very real bad service that the customer should have raised an issue about, but didn't, at various restaurants and grocery, etc stores I have been to.

One of the worst: The employee at the checkout counter was having a pretty loud argument with someone on their cellular phone and didn't even respond to the customer when she asked them a question about a product, and just scanned her items! Ignoring the customer, so she the employee could continue her conversation on the phone. That was ridiculous.

A second one: I was once at one of those all you can eat buffets, and I saw the manager/owner himself go to a family who had paid for the buffet meal, and COMPLAIN TO THEM that they were eating too much of a certain item (it was the barbeque meats) and he starts complaining to them in front of other customers that the meat is the most expensive item and he would prefer them to eat the rice and pasta dishes and load up more on the breads which are cheaper.

I was personally shocked that a restaurant owner would actually say that to a paying customer who has paid for their meal and has every right to eat what is on the buffet menu as long as they paid for it.

[Evil D]

Here is a question related to this topic: If you are a customer in a store and one of the workers fails to show you decent respect and courtesy, should you as the customer: A Make a big issue out of it and even go so far as to complain to management about their employee, or, B, just let it go and either not return to that particular store or just let it go completely? Or does it really depend on what level of rudeness or lack of courtesy they show you?

One reason I ask is this: I have seen some people go overboard with complaining about employee's behaviour at a store, and at other times, I have seen some very real bad service that the customer should have raised an issue about, but didn't, at various restaurants and grocery, etc stores I have been to.

One of the worst: The employee at the checkout counter was having a pretty loud argument with someone on their cellular phone and didn't even respond to the customer when she asked them a question about a product, and just scanned her items! Ignoring the customer, so she the employee could continue her conversation on the phone. That was ridiculous.

A second one: I was once at one of those all you can eat buffets, and I saw the manager/owner himself go to a family who had paid for the buffet meal, and COMPLAIN TO THEM that they were eating too much of a certain item (it was the barbeque meats) and he starts complaining to them in front of other customers that the meat is the most expensive item and he would prefer them to eat the rice and pasta dishes and load up more on the breads which are cheaper.

I was personally shocked that a restaurant owner would actually say that to a paying customer who has paid for their meal and has every right to eat what is on the buffet menu as long as they paid for it.

Well having worked in that industry for many years, my opinion is always report poor customer service, because that person needs to be dealt with. If you just refuse to shop there, that person will continue to do it to other people and the problem will never be dealt with. It's the same as an abusive relationship. You boycotting the place won't even be missed.

My first boss told me the customer is not always right, but your job is to make them think they are. Some customers are rude too and the way I've dealt with them is explaining to them that I'm here to fix the problem and make them happy, but that their attitude is out of line and needs to change. You'd be surprised how many of them left saying they were sorry for their behavior.

[Blerv]

Courtesy towards the opposite sex has changed too depending on views of chivalry vs sexism.

What amazes me is some of the things I hear in popular music, sang by women would have gotten a man beaten or worse decades ago if they said it about a woman. There seems to be this trend where it's ok to cut down whatever group you like and even adopt the words that have oppressed that group as long as you belong to that group. For all the the equal rights that women (and others) have gained, it seems as if they've just taken to doing and saying the things that men used to be called sexist over, and now they're making money doing it.

Yea degrading your own gender can pay off in dividends but typically just for the individual.

Like Paul said every generation talks about how the sky is falling. These are unique times relating to how society learns and communicates so there certainly are more obvious pros and cons.

[murphjd25]

This is one of the reasons I love getting off the beaten path and for long hikes. I have never met a rude or mean soul while in the wilderness. Makes me feel good there still might be some good, nice and courteous people still out there.

[El Gato]

This is one of the reasons I love getting off the beaten path and for long hikes. I have never met a rude or mean soul while in the wilderness. Makes me feel good there still might be some good, nice and courteous people still out there.

You are quite right, and I share your appreciation of the wild and quiet places. See you on the trails..........

[Mad Mac]

...And, of course there's this gem, written by Socrates over 2000 years ago: “The children now love luxury. They have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise.”...

Maybe it is not a generational thing. Maybe it is a geriatric thing,
We become grumpy old men, curmudgeons, who have lived beyond our "BEST BY" date.
Pass the hemlock... please.

[v8r]

Well I'm only 39, so I don't guess I'm all that old. I have worked in customer service for years, and simple words like please, thank you, thank you for your business, etc are becoming less frequently used.

[Ankerson]

In short...

In my lifetime it's gone down the drain and I am 51.

[The Deacon]

...And, of course there's this gem, written by Socrates over 2000 years ago: “The children now love luxury. They have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise.”...

Maybe it is not a generational thing. Maybe it is a geriatric thing,
We become grumpy old men, curmudgeons, who have lived beyond our "BEST BY" date.
Pass the hemlock... please.

I suppose that's possible. I know I was just very rude to a nice young man (who sounded like he could have been a cast member of Jersey Shore) after I picked up the phone and was greeted by "Yo! Paul! We've sent you like three URGENT notices that the warranty on your 2011 Toyota Corolla (that I traded in on my Benz a few years back) needs to be extended and you haven't responded. What's up with that?"