Is it possible to spend your life single and alone and be happy?

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eidah
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Is it possible to spend your life single and alone and be happy?

#1

Post by eidah »

Hi and sorry for the randomness of this thread.
I am at point of my life where I fear this. Are there people who do it out of choice? or because they have to?
Is it possible to spend your life single and alone and be happy?
BAL
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#2

Post by BAL »

Yojimbo 2.
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kbuzbee
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#3

Post by kbuzbee »

Yes, it is. Happiness is a choice, an attitude, not a circumstance.

Ken
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jackknifeh
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#4

Post by jackknifeh »

This question comes up a lot to a lot of people who may be alone and people who have girlfriends, wives, boyfriends, husbands or even just lots of friends and family.

Here is my outlook. I would prefer to have a partner, meaning girlfriend or wife. However, the presence of a girlfriend or wife whould need to be a great relationship that I looked forward to every day. If I didn't ever want my partner to walk into the same room I'm in or see her every day when I get home from work, I'd rather live alone. But people are different. Some need to have people around even if they don't seem to like them and argue all the time. It's almost like arguing makes them "happy".

No one can answer this question except for themselves and my answer is YES. It is possible to be alone and happy.

You need to be careful though. Being alone may result in spending a lot of time on inet forums. :eek:


Jack
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Sequimite
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#5

Post by Sequimite »

We are social animals, so staying single has it's difficulties. Far worse, IMO, is marrying the wrong person. I've known a few elderly people who have remarried simply for companionship. From what I've seen that seems to work but it's hard for me to imagine it working for younger people. Especially since the elderly grew up at a time when marriage was as much an economic arrangement as an emotional one.

If you have priorities higher than marriage, as many artists, scientists and other obsessive compulsives do, then marriage is not a good idea. Living single into middle age is definitely a growing trend.
Our reason is quite satisfied, in 999 cases out of every 1000 of us, if we can find a few arguments that will do to recite in case our credulity is criticized by someone else. Our faith is faith in someone else's faith, and in the greatest matters this is most the case.
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#6

Post by Evil D »

Depends on how you define happiness. You might be lonely depending on what your friend network is like. Adopt a puppy and take up some hobbies.
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ASmitty
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#7

Post by ASmitty »

Yes, it is possible. As others have said, it all depends on the person. I got married last summer at the age of 31 (almost 32 at the time). I met my wife two years before we got married when I was 29. Before I met my wife, I had never been in one relationship longer than six months. I had dated a lot of women and had many short term relationships. None of them ever worked out. While there are several reasons for that, a major reason that came up again and again was that I preferred my solitary life to a life with someone with whom I wasn't compatible. When I met my wife, we clicked. I still prefer as much alone time as I can get and she's very understanding of that. After work, most days, we spend a chunk of the evening together and then she retires to the bedroom to do her thing and I stay up for another hour or two reading or watching a movie or sharpening my knives or doing something else that sates me need for alone time. A good friend has often commented that I didn't really find a wife as much as a survival partner for the Zombie Apocalypse. If anything ever happens to my wife (God forbid), I can honestly say that I would most likely not get married again.
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#8

Post by DRKBC »

eidah wrote:Hi and sorry for the randomness of this thread.
I am at point of my life where I fear this. Are there people who do it out of choice? or because they have to?
Is it possible to spend your life single and alone and be happy?
How are you feeling about it? Are you leaning one way or the other?
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#9

Post by bh49 »

eidah wrote:I am at point of my life where I fear this. Are there people who do it out of choice? or because they have to?
Is it possible to spend your life single and alone and be happy?
All depends on the person. I think that the most of the people need a spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend to be happy, but better to be single than to have a wrong partner. I think that the same goes with kids. Most of the people need kids, but for some (and their kids) better not to have them.
"People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf"

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eidah
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#10

Post by eidah »

DRKBC wrote:How are you feeling about it? Are you leaning one way or the other?
Actually I imagained myself having children and growing old surrounded with childrenand grand children. The good old fashioned way. Now in my 40s and failed one marriage already and not having much faith in human relationships already. I used to have a romantic view of marriage for ever and now I see allot of people using others then leaving them.
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#11

Post by Donut »

When you turn 60, will you regret not doing it?

I think a lot of people will regret from not trying.
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bartvdb
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#12

Post by bartvdb »

Yes . but (always a but) you need +-5 people (famillie friends) who are as close to you as you are close to yourself .

beeing alone is an whole other ballgame than beeing lonely
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#13

Post by Blerv »

I feel the most socially reclusive person needs something in their life. A cat, a dog, perhaps that one person they meet for brunch twice a month to complain about everyone else. There are plenty of stories of artists locking themselves away from the world and creating masterpieces...usually they are going crazy at the same time.

If you can avoid regret later it's worth the effort of trying something and even failing it. Minimizing stress keeps you healthy as my understanding is most ailments are either caused or magnified by it. If you have no desire to have a family and can get through life financially comfortable there are always outlets to find socialization. Volunteering, mentoring, etc.

As for the requirement of having 2.5 kids and the spouse who is a wizard in the kitchen? I don't think that's the solution to everyone's plight nor that it should be a path that is criticized. We have the freedom to make our own decisions and the requirement to own the outcome of them. :)
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bh49
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#14

Post by bh49 »

One of my friends was in his mid thirties married twice and divorced twice before he found his third wife, who gave his happiness and a child. That was about 25 years ago.
"People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf"

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#15

Post by BAL »

Life is what you make of it.
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Blerv
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#16

Post by Blerv »

BAL wrote:Life is what you make of it.
+ a box of chocolates. :D
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jackknifeh
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#17

Post by jackknifeh »

ASmitty wrote:Yes, it is possible. As others have said, it all depends on the person. I got married last summer at the age of 31 (almost 32 at the time). I met my wife two years before we got married when I was 29. Before I met my wife, I had never been in one relationship longer than six months. I had dated a lot of women and had many short term relationships. None of them ever worked out. While there are several reasons for that, a major reason that came up again and again was that I preferred my solitary life to a life with someone with whom I wasn't compatible. When I met my wife, we clicked. I still prefer as much alone time as I can get and she's very understanding of that. After work, most days, we spend a chunk of the evening together and then she retires to the bedroom to do her thing and I stay up for another hour or two reading or watching a movie or sharpening my knives or doing something else that sates me need for alone time. A good friend has often commented that I didn't really find a wife as much as a survival partner for the Zombie Apocalypse. If anything ever happens to my wife (God forbid), I can honestly say that I would most likely not get married again.
You said you had several short term relationships that didn't work out. Maybe the worked out perfectly. Hopefully you enjoyed the time together then went your seperate ways which is not necessarilly bad. Who gets into a relationship knowing or realizing it isn't a pre-marriage situation? Hopefully A WHOLE LOT OF PEOPLE! Nothing wrong with 6 month "relationships" IMO. Nothing wrong with marriage either. It just depends on if all your knives are sharp. If you have a knife that needs sharpening marriage will have to wait. :) Priorities. :D

Why get married? I have two stories that happened to two people I worked with about 30 years ago.

One guy turned 25 and made the decision he wanted to settle down, get married and start a family. He wasn't dating any one girl at the time. Six months later he was engaged.

The other guy stated openly and LOUDLY that he was never going to get married. He was not dating any one girl at the time either. A few months later he was engaged.

I don't know what happened in either case because I moved away. One decided it was time so did he just pick some girl who had decided it was time for her also? I don't know. The other didn't want to get married but I guess he met someone that he did want to marry. It took a special person for him to want to marry her. Or maybe she got pregnant. :eek: :confused: :) I don't know that either. :confused:

There are several reasons to get married and all can be good or bad. Doesn't matter. The one thing that is important is no one should try to change the other. If we let each other be themselves it makes for a much better world. Why is it we are sometimes meaner or say things mean to our spouses than we would ever say to a coworker, friend, aquaintance, etc.? Because we think we can get away with it, that's why. I've seen it many times and believe it or not,,, I've been guilty of the offense myself. :)
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#18

Post by BAL »

eidah wrote:Hi and sorry for the randomness of this thread.
I am at point of my life where I fear this. Are there people who do it out of choice? or because they have to?
Is it possible to spend your life single and alone and be happy?
What do "you" think. That's the only person that can answer that question.
Some can live a single life, most can't. If you force the issue, then you will
make yourself unhappy.
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Steffen
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#19

Post by Steffen »

Sequimite wrote:I've known a few elderly people who have remarried simply for companionship. From what I've seen that seems to work but it's hard for me to imagine it working for younger people.
i think i would like such an arrangement.
i'm fine now at 27, but i guess i will be very lonely at 40.

not really looking for love, kids and mortgage.
just somebody to eat breakfast with, go on holydays with and chat with.
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#20

Post by phillipsted »

I've always resisted making broad, sweeping generalizations about interpersonal relationships - whether they be spouses, family, co-workers or friends. When it comes down to brass tacks, your relationships with other people are just that - one-on-one connections with another person. As each person is unique, every relationship you have with another person is unique.

I cherish and treasure the relationships I have developed over the years. I even like thinking about the relationships that ended on bad notes - because I think we learned something from the experience.

But all it takes is one spark. From one person. And you can be on the road to a truly life-changing relationship. Never give up hope!

TedP
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