Dear, Spyderco: Please stop using UPS

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kennbr34
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Dear, Spyderco: Please stop using UPS

#1

Post by kennbr34 »

I have never once had them actually wait for me to come to the door and sign for a package that supposedly required a signature. I'm assuming that you pay them extra for that, and you're totally wasting your money if so. But even more so, I feel you may be supporting something dark and perhaps sinister.

I have actually seen them come with a "Missed delivery slip" instead of my package on a number of occasions. I used to have security cameras where I can see them approach--yet you wouldn't believe me when I told you how it mysteriously got corrupted. They are like ninjas in the night, because by the time it takes me to get up and get to my front door, they are already down the street in their big brown truck, off to their next mission. All I ever see is a figure in brown. Never even a face.

Today, I had written them a very polite letter informing them that I was in fact home, and to please give me a moment to reach my door. I even told them that a tip awaited them! Yet, literally as I was walking to my door to open it and tape the letter on the opposite side, I heard a knock.

"Oh, how funny!" I thought to myself as my arm stretched toward the door knob, eager to greet the driver and laugh about how good their timing was. I opened my door, to nothing but a breeze, and a package on my stoop. Not only that, I could not even hear them going down the steps of my apartment complex, and just out of shear curiosity I tried to follow them out my door and around the corner to the stairwell to see if I could glimpse them jumping in their truck and leaving, but they were gone without a trace--except for a faint hint of sulfur, but I am probably imagining that. If not for the knock and my video sightings in the past, I would question whether UPS drivers even truly exist. The only other brown thing that's this hard to see in person is bigfoot.

Truly this must be something supernatural. They are like package phantoms. Sure, you see them driving the trucks on the road, but have you ever actually seen one? How can you prove they exist except for the package arriving? If a package is left on a doorstep, and no one was around to see the driver leaving it, did they truly knock? This company is not only taking your money for a service not rendered, but they are clearly employing some kind of force that threatens the metaphysical and philosophical bounds of our reality.

I know what you're thinking, "Ken, we see the UPS guy all the time, he literally comes into the office. His name is Steve." But Steve is just a plant! He's the wool they've pulled over your eyes! Steve doesn't posses the ethereal qualities necessary to vanish in the split-seconds I have seen the true package wraiths disappear in. For every "Steve" that presents a friendly face of the company, there is another nameless, faceless, dare I say massless-save-for-their-brown-jump-suit specter driving a van around your town feeding porch pirates.

Please, for all that is good and light in this world, start using our United States Postal Service instead. They are the parcel knights who deliver not only our goods, but our good. They will honor the services you pay for by actually requiring a signature, and beyond that, are so trusted that they even have keys to our parcel lockers. Together with them we might prevail over the blight of the porch pirates instead of ensuring their prosperity.

Sincerely,
Ken
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ChrisinHove
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Re: Dear, Spyderco: Please stop using Ups

#2

Post by ChrisinHove »

Brilliant!

If it’s any consolation, *all* our postal / delivery services are rubbish.
MacLaren
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Re: Dear, Spyderco: Please stop using UPS

#3

Post by MacLaren »

Ya know, it's funny - actually it's not. But, what I mean is that it's so geographically dependent upon which carrier is the best. Where I live UPS reigns supreme followed by USPS but, FedEx is the rascal ya have to watch in my neck of the woods.
Imho, UPS is usually pretty good everywhere.
In my experience it's usually FedEx that gets the black eye.
At any rate, it happens with all 3.
Btw, when I lived in Asheville or right on top of it in Leicester I had a USPS guy that was lazy as a pet coon. After about the 3rd time of me watching him not deliver my package and saying that I wasn't home, I went to the Post Office and told them about it. Lol, their reaction was priceless....they were like, yeah, he's doing it again.....they then asked my addy and told me that he would in fact be back today with my package.....lol, it's so funny now.....wasn't too **** funny then though
I feel your pain OP, I really do..I sympathize with ya buddy.
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Manixguy@1994
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Re: Dear, Spyderco: Please stop using UPS

#4

Post by Manixguy@1994 »

MacLaren wrote:
Fri Jun 02, 2023 6:19 am
Ya know, it's funny - actually it's not. But, what I mean is that it's so geographically dependent upon which carrier is the best. Where I live UPS reigns supreme followed by USPS but, FedEx is the rascal ya have to watch in my neck of the woods.
Imho, UPS is usually pretty good everywhere.
In my experience it's usually FedEx that gets the black eye.
At any rate, it happens with all 3.
Btw, when I lived in Asheville or right on top of it in Leicester I had a USPS guy that was lazy as a pet coon. After about the 3rd time of me watching him not deliver my package and saying that I wasn't home, I went to the Post Office and told them about it. Lol, their reaction was priceless....they were like, yeah, he's doing it again.....they then asked my addy and told me that he would in fact be back today with my package.....lol, it's so funny now.....wasn't too **** funny then though
I feel your pain OP, I really do..I sympathize with ya buddy.
Same here UPS is great here , if they see us outside they get out of truck and hand deliver . FedEx is horrible , I get packages for West address and I am East all the time . I call them and it literally takes days for them to come back to pick up and deliver correctly. USPS is mail box so no worries and more secure . Dan
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RustyIron
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Re: Dear, Spyderco: Please stop using UPS

#5

Post by RustyIron »

The UPS guy is cool. He's an older guy who takes time to BS. He's got a daughter in college and he plays an instrument. USPS guy is ok. If I'm out front or working in the garage, I'll go out and meet him so he doesn't have to open the mailbox. Amazon never has the same person twice. They're fast and probably overpressured. If I hear them at the front door, by the time I get there, they're already at their vehicle. I wave and yell thanks, and they always wave back. I think politeness is the first thing they're taught.
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Re: Dear, Spyderco: Please stop using UPS

#6

Post by Doc Dan »

No UPS or FedEx for us. We use DHL if we can.
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legOFwhat?
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Re: Dear, Spyderco: Please stop using UPS

#7

Post by legOFwhat? »

All we can know for sure is that birds aren't real! :face-clouds

I know that the UPS man is real, because I watch the lazy bums from our security cameras set the boxes in front of the garage beside the gutter downspout... 12 more feet is a covered and dry porch with a doorbell, no downspouts.
-Larry
Hebrews 13:6 So we may boldly say: “The Lord is my helper; I will not fear. What can man do to me?”
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Re: Dear, Spyderco: Please stop using UPS

#8

Post by MacLaren »

legOFwhat? wrote:
Fri Jun 02, 2023 10:49 am
All we can know for sure is that birds aren't real! :face-clouds

I know that the UPS man is real, because I watch the lazy bums from our security cameras set the boxes in front of the garage beside the gutter downspout... 12 more feet is a covered and dry porch with a doorbell, no downspouts.
Wow.....
Man, it just really matters where you live.....
It's like Rusty said, the UPS guys here are very cool. Will hand deliver in the rain, will stop ans BS for a while....
That sux Larry....hate to hear that. That's just bad .
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Re: Dear, Spyderco: Please stop using UPS

#9

Post by MacLaren »

Manixguy@1994 wrote:
Fri Jun 02, 2023 6:43 am
MacLaren wrote:
Fri Jun 02, 2023 6:19 am
Ya know, it's funny - actually it's not. But, what I mean is that it's so geographically dependent upon which carrier is the best. Where I live UPS reigns supreme followed by USPS but, FedEx is the rascal ya have to watch in my neck of the woods.
Imho, UPS is usually pretty good everywhere.
In my experience it's usually FedEx that gets the black eye.
At any rate, it happens with all 3.
Btw, when I lived in Asheville or right on top of it in Leicester I had a USPS guy that was lazy as a pet coon. After about the 3rd time of me watching him not deliver my package and saying that I wasn't home, I went to the Post Office and told them about it. Lol, their reaction was priceless....they were like, yeah, he's doing it again.....they then asked my addy and told me that he would in fact be back today with my package.....lol, it's so funny now.....wasn't too **** funny then though
I feel your pain OP, I really do..I sympathize with ya buddy.
Same here UPS is great here , if they see us outside they get out of truck and hand deliver . FedEx is horrible , I get packages for West address and I am East all the time . I call them and it literally takes days for them to come back to pick up and deliver correctly. USPS is mail box so no worries and more secure . Dan
Yup 😃
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legOFwhat?
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Re: Dear, Spyderco: Please stop using UPS

#10

Post by legOFwhat? »

MacLaren wrote:
Fri Jun 02, 2023 11:08 am
legOFwhat? wrote:
Fri Jun 02, 2023 10:49 am
All we can know for sure is that birds aren't real! :face-clouds

I know that the UPS man is real, because I watch the lazy bums from our security cameras set the boxes in front of the garage beside the gutter downspout... 12 more feet is a covered and dry porch with a doorbell, no downspouts.
Wow.....
Man, it just really matters where you live.....
It's like Rusty said, the UPS guys here are very cool. Will hand deliver in the rain, will stop ans BS for a while....
That sux Larry....hate to hear that. That's just bad .
It's generally been the last couple years that have been wonky with our local UPS. Nothing really damaged, so I shouldn't really complain but, well, you know :)
-Larry
Hebrews 13:6 So we may boldly say: “The Lord is my helper; I will not fear. What can man do to me?”
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MacLaren
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Re: Dear, Spyderco: Please stop using UPS

#11

Post by MacLaren »

legOFwhat? wrote:
Fri Jun 02, 2023 11:34 am
MacLaren wrote:
Fri Jun 02, 2023 11:08 am
legOFwhat? wrote:
Fri Jun 02, 2023 10:49 am
All we can know for sure is that birds aren't real! :face-clouds

I know that the UPS man is real, because I watch the lazy bums from our security cameras set the boxes in front of the garage beside the gutter downspout... 12 more feet is a covered and dry porch with a doorbell, no downspouts.
Wow.....
Man, it just really matters where you live.....
It's like Rusty said, the UPS guys here are very cool. Will hand deliver in the rain, will stop ans BS for a while....
That sux Larry....hate to hear that. That's just bad .
It's generally been the last couple years that have been wonky with our local UPS. Nothing really damaged, so I shouldn't really complain but, well, you know :)
Ha! R U kiddin Larry? Better believe I know ole buddy....these dang 1st world.problems can get the best of us sometimes! 😃
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