OT: Night Before Christmas - A Technical Perspective

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java
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OT: Night Before Christmas - A Technical Perspective

Postby java » Tue Dec 16, 2003 1:00 am

Dear Spyder brothers and sisters,



We are gathered together here to celebrate the union of steel, FRN, and other glass and cloth imbedded thermoplastic resin matrices in the joy that is Spyderco. However, before proceeding with this post let us take a moment to bow and silently give prayer for the untimely passing of Mr. Travis Quaas’ dictionary



Okay! Time’s up! On with the post…..



I don’t recall where I gleaned this from but thought y’all might enjoy this traditional Christmas classic from another point of view. You can read it aloud to your children and know it will put them to straight to sleep – unless it doesn’t put you to sleep reading it. Cheers!!







<b>Technical Night Before Christmas</b>



'Twas the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period preceding the annual Yuletide celebration, and throughout our place of residence, kinetic activity was not in evidence among the possessors of this potential, including that species of domestic rodent known as Mus musculus.



Hosiery was meticulously suspended from the forward edge of the wood burning caloric apparatus, pursuant to our anticipatory pleasure regarding an imminent visitation from an eccentric philanthropist among whose folkloric appellations is the honorific title of St. Nicholas.



The prepubescent siblings, comfortably ensconced in their respective accommodations of repose, were experiencing subconscious visual hallucinations of variegated fruit confections moving rhythmically through their cerebrums.



My conjugal partner and I, attired in our nocturnal had coverings, were about to take slumberous advantage of the hibernal darkness when upon the avenaceous exterior portion of the grounds there ascended such a cacophony of dissonance that I felt compelled to arise with alacrity from my place of repose for the purpose of ascertaining the precise source thereof.



Hastening to the casement, I forthwith opened the barriers sealing this fenestration, nothing thereupon that the lunar brilliance without, reflected as it was on the surface of a recent crystalline precipitation, might be said rival that of the solar meridian itself -thus permitting my incredulous optical sensory organs to behold a miniature airborne runnered conveyance drawn by eight diminutive specimens of the genus Rangifer, piloted by a miniscule, aged chauffeur so ebullient and nimble that it became instantly apparent to me that he was indeed our anticipated caller.



With his ungulate motive power traveling at what may possibly have been more vertiginous velocity than patriotic alar predators, he vociferated loudly, expelled breath musically through contracted labia, and addressed each of the octet by his or her respective cognomen -"Now Dasher, now Dancer..." et al. - guiding them to the uppermost level of our abode, through which structure I could readily distinguish the concatenations of each of the 32 cloven pedal extremities.



As I retracted my cranium from its erstwhile location, and was performing a 180-degree pivot, our distinguished visitant achieved -with utmost celerity and via a downward leap - entry by wary of the smoke passage.



He was clad entirely in animal pelts soiled by the ebony residue from oxidations of carboniferous fuels, which had accumulated on the walls thereof. His resemblance to a street vendor I attributed largely to the plethora of assorted playthings, which he bore dorsally in a commodious cloth receptacle.



His orbs scintillated with reflected luminosity, while his sub-maxillary dermal indentations gave every evidence of engaging amiability. The capillaries of his malar regions and nasal appurtenance were engorged with blood which suffused the subcutaneous layers, the former approximating the coloration of Albion's floral emblem, the latter that of the Prunus avium, or sweet cherry.



His amusing sub and supralabials resembled nothing so much as a common loop knot, and their ambient hirsute facial adornment appeared like small, tabular and columnar crystals of frozen water. Clenched firmly between his incisors was a smoking piece whose gray fumes forming a tenuous ellipse about his occiput, were suggestive of a decorative seasonal circlet of holly.



His visage was wider than it was high, and when he waxed audibly mirthful, his corpulent abdominal region undulated in the manner of impectinated fruit syrup in a hemispherical container. He was, in short, neither more nor less than an obese, jocund, multigenarian gnome, the optical perception of whom rendered me visibly frolicsome despite every effort to refrain from so being.



By rapidly lowering and than elevating one eyelid and rotating his head slightly to one side, he indicated that trepidation on my part was groundless.



Without utterance and with dispatch, he commenced filling the aforementioned appended hosiery with several of the aforementioned articles of merchandise extracted from the aforementioned previously dorsally transported cloth receptacle.



Upon completion of this task, he executed an abrupt about-face, placed a single manual digit in lateral juxtaposition to his olfactory organ, inclined his cranium forward in a gesture of leave-taking, and forthwith effected his egress by renegotiating (in reverse) the smoke passage.



He then propelled himself in a short vector onto his conveyance, directed a musical expulsion of air through his contracted oral sphincter to the antlered quadrupeds of burden, and proceeded to soar aloft in a movement hitherto observable chiefly among the seed-bearing portions of a common weed.



But I overheard his parting exclamation, audible immediately prior to his vehiculation beyond the limits of visibility:



"Ecstatic yuletide to the planetary constituency, and to that self same assemblage, my sincerest wishes for a salubriously beneficial and gratifyingly pleasurable period between sunset and dawn.

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Jimd
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Postby Jimd » Tue Dec 16, 2003 4:23 pm

Java, that was quite a laugh!

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Postby vampyrewolf » Tue Dec 16, 2003 4:24 pm

dammit java... burned my brain out on tuesday! gonna be a long week.

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Postby Sword and Shield » Tue Dec 16, 2003 8:42 pm

Knowing my science profs, they'd post that as the ONLY correct version! <img src="smile.gif" width=15 height=15 align=middle border=0>

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Postby dialex » Wed Dec 17, 2003 1:59 am

That was sweet Java, thanks for sharing your experience <img src="smile.gif" width=15 height=15 align=middle border=0> <img src="smile.gif" width=15 height=15 align=middle border=0> <img src="smile.gif" width=15 height=15 align=middle border=0>

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travis quaas
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Postby travis quaas » Wed Dec 17, 2003 9:01 am

John,
You're killing me....absolutely killing me. Man that was cool. I will be copying this text. And though I'm tempted to call it my own, you will get full credit for copying it from somewhere else!! Ok, now my thesaurus (<----I even had to look up the spelling of thesaurus!!) will be smoking next.

I feel like I'm an anthropologist. It's like trying to translate the Egyptian hieroglyphics. I don't have enough resources to translate everything you wrote!!!

THANKS FOR THE RIBBING, IT IS MUCH APPRECIATED!!

TQ

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Postby Jeff/1911 » Wed Dec 17, 2003 3:01 pm

Java,

Fabulous. Thanks a lot, and Merry Christmas.

Best wishes, Jeff/1911.

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Postby jyork » Thu Dec 18, 2003 7:19 pm

Hope you don't mind Java. Printing out copies and giving them to co workers. Ha, the fun is watching their faces. Thanks!
Jyork

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Postby toothed » Fri Dec 19, 2003 1:20 pm

Thanks, Java. (I think). I'm still trying to figure it out completely but am having fun in the process. Happy Holidays!

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Postby disorder » Fri Dec 19, 2003 3:17 pm

java, you must be sued for mental cruelty!
i mean, i'm a poor stranger, from an old and decadent (well,decayed ) country,with a little knowledge of your barbarian language..
AND HOW DO YOU THINK I'M GOING TO TRANSLATE YOUR STORY ?!

aha, let's go with all my dictionaries, seems a long nite.

btw, i think of beginnin a compilation of your posts..

ciao. <img src="smile.gif" width=15 height=15 align=middle border=0>

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