Just kidding. They are funny though
> How can you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
>
> Could someone ever get addicted to counseling? If so, how
> could you treat them?
>
> Can you be a closet claustrophobic?
>
> Did Adam and Eve have navels?
>
> Does anyone ever vanish with a trace?
>
> How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in
> the mornings?
>
> If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
>
> If Fed Ex and UPS merge, would they call it Fed UP?
>
> If a chronic liar tells you he is a chronic liar do you believe him?
>
> If a mute child swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
>
> If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see
> it, do the other trees make fun of it?
>
> If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers,
> why are they all still working?
>
> If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON
> stick to the pan?
>
> If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come
> from?
>
> What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other
> way?
>
> If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of
> congress?
>
> If quitters never win, and winners never quit, who came up
> with, "Quit while you're still ahead?"
>
> If the Energizer Bunny atttacks someone, is it charged
> with battery?
>
> If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all
> but one of them, what do you call it?
>
> What did we do before the Law of Gravity was passed?
>
> What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
>
> Why are we afraid of falling? Shouldn't we be afraid of
> the sudden stop?
>
> Why do airlines call flights nonstop? Don't they all stop
> eventually?
>
> Why is the alphabet in that order?
>
> Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
>
> You know how most packages say "Open here" What is the
> protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else?"
>
> You know that little indestructible black box that is used
> on planes, why can't they make the whole plane with the
> same substance?
>
> Sooner or later, doesn't EVERYONE stop smoking?
>
> How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?
>
> Why are there Braille signs on drive-up ATM's?ð
Just thought you should think about this stuff
John
Gee Mr Glesser, them sure are pretty knives!
According to snopes.com, I DID MAKE ALL THESE UP
-
cmassicotte
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- Location: Buena Park, CA USA
-
CalypsoKid
- Member
- Posts: 255
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- Location: USA
A few observations:
Does God have a navel? Man has a navel and man was made in his image. God must have a navel.
Congress means "to come together". Does progress must mean "to fall apart".
Teflon can never be convicted of a crime because they can't get a charge to stick to it.
How can there be an exception to every rule because that rule has no exception.
~C
Does God have a navel? Man has a navel and man was made in his image. God must have a navel.
Congress means "to come together". Does progress must mean "to fall apart".
Teflon can never be convicted of a crime because they can't get a charge to stick to it.
How can there be an exception to every rule because that rule has no exception.
~C
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Sword and Shield
- Member
- Posts: 2050
- Joined: Fri Sep 24, 2004 10:33 am
- Location: USA
According to the 1970s commercial, the guy who drives the plow drives a VW. <img src="wink.gif" width=15 height=15 align=middle border=0>
If a word in the dictionary is misspelled, how would anybody know?
If you shoot a mime, do you have to use a silencer?
Keepin' it real...real sharp, that is.
Edited by - Sword and Shield on 9/3/2002 3:53:07 PM
If a word in the dictionary is misspelled, how would anybody know?
If you shoot a mime, do you have to use a silencer?
Keepin' it real...real sharp, that is.
Edited by - Sword and Shield on 9/3/2002 3:53:07 PM
One bright day, in the middle of the night
two dead boys got up to fight.
Back to back, they faced each other.
Drew their swords and shot each other.
A deaf policeman heard the noise, and came and shot the two dead boys.
If you don't believe this lie is true,
Ask the blind man...he saw it too.
"Visits? That would indicate visitors!" - Edward D. Wood, Jr.
two dead boys got up to fight.
Back to back, they faced each other.
Drew their swords and shot each other.
A deaf policeman heard the noise, and came and shot the two dead boys.
If you don't believe this lie is true,
Ask the blind man...he saw it too.
"Visits? That would indicate visitors!" - Edward D. Wood, Jr.
-
cmassicotte
- Member
- Posts: 1052
- Joined: Fri Sep 24, 2004 10:33 am
- Location: Buena Park, CA USA
-
Knife Knut
- Member
- Posts: 1039
- Joined: Fri Sep 24, 2004 10:33 am
- Location: South Carolina
-
Knife Knut
- Member
- Posts: 1039
- Joined: Fri Sep 24, 2004 10:33 am
- Location: South Carolina
> If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
Dead.
> If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see
> it, do the other trees make fun of it?
Yep, I seen it.
> What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other
> way?
Stools
> What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
See Turtle.
> You know how most packages say "Open here" What is the
> protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else?"
I have actually seen this; it said "Open Other Side"
> You know that little indestructible black box that is used
> on planes, why can't they make the whole plane with the
> same substance?
Too Expensive
> Sooner or later, doesn't EVERYONE stop smoking?
See Turtle.
> Why are there Braille signs on drive-up ATM's?
It is vestigal from when they evolved from walk up ATMs
> If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come
> from?
Mineral Oil
Knife Knut on a shoestring budget.
Dead.
> If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see
> it, do the other trees make fun of it?
Yep, I seen it.
> What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other
> way?
Stools
> What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
See Turtle.
> You know how most packages say "Open here" What is the
> protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else?"
I have actually seen this; it said "Open Other Side"
> You know that little indestructible black box that is used
> on planes, why can't they make the whole plane with the
> same substance?
Too Expensive
> Sooner or later, doesn't EVERYONE stop smoking?
See Turtle.
> Why are there Braille signs on drive-up ATM's?
It is vestigal from when they evolved from walk up ATMs
> If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come
> from?
Mineral Oil
Knife Knut on a shoestring budget.
-
java
- Member
- Posts: 2978
- Joined: Fri Sep 24, 2004 10:33 am
- Location: Rosamond - Tropical Paradise without the tropics.....(or the paradise)
John,
Thanks for the laughs!! Snopes, eh? No matter, 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot anyways.
I think Linda sent these to me a few weeks back - just returning the favor:
Good Questions !!!
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out"?
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp which no decent human being would eat?
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
Why does goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
What do you call male ballerinas?
Why ARE Trix only for kids?
If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
Why is a person that handles your money called a 'Broker'?
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
If a man is talking in the forest, and no woman is there to hear him, is he still wrong?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?
Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your *ss?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window.
Stay safe! Stay sharp! <img src="spyder.gif" width=15 height=15 align=middle border=0>
Thanks for the laughs!! Snopes, eh? No matter, 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot anyways.
I think Linda sent these to me a few weeks back - just returning the favor:
Good Questions !!!
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out"?
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp which no decent human being would eat?
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
Why does goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
What do you call male ballerinas?
Why ARE Trix only for kids?
If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
Why is a person that handles your money called a 'Broker'?
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
If a man is talking in the forest, and no woman is there to hear him, is he still wrong?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?
Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your *ss?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window.
Stay safe! Stay sharp! <img src="spyder.gif" width=15 height=15 align=middle border=0>