i was drive by'd today

darkjedi458 · #1

im very fortunate im here to tell this story. its not safe to walk down the street anymore. there i was walking to the corner for a pack of cigarettes. i had noticed how the grand am coming towards me was moving suspiciously slow...then when it was about 20 feet from me it sped up. thats when it happened. i was suddenly hit upside the head by a loaf of bread. i was to dazed to get the license plate number. ok actually i was to shocked at having been assaulted with a loaf of wonder bread to think of it. if that loaf had been stale or if they had bought those dinner rolls that are always rock hard i might be knocking on the pearly gates right now. to those of you reading this i say to you keep your eyes open...this may become a dangerous and disturbing trend. i was lucky. some other poor soul might not be so fortunate next time. i urge you to call your state representatives and ask them to take immediate action by forcing all bakeries and grocery stores to do background checks and fingerprinting on every loaf of bread and register every roll or muffin sold.

" we chased our pleasures here...dug our treasures there...can you still recall how we cried...break on through to the other side" - the doors

la_benge · #2

Remember : loaves don't kill... people do.

Kahz · #3

A loaf of bread???? Was it fresh???? Wheat or white???? Did you have any butter or jam with you to attack it back???? <img src="wink.gif" width=15 height=15 align=middle>

Just kidding... <img src="tongue.gif" width=15 height=15 align=middle>

Kahz

TonyP · #4

A symbolic act if I have ever heard of one.
To be attacked with the staff of life !!
It has to mean SOMETHING but I know not what.

ruxton · #5

what you mean you didn't whip out your twin desert eagles and turn the car into swiss cheese thetacticalone style?
MAT

SpyderNut · #6

Holy Smokes, man!
You coulda been killed! [Or worse!]
I like Kahz's idea of butter and jam. <img src="tongue.gif" width=15 height=15 align=middle>

On a serious note:
Yes, our society is getting more and more corrupt. I mean, if someone has the nerve to throw something at another human being with the intent to hurt or suprise without warning, than I think it is wrong. I don't know what I'd do. At least they didn't throw eggs at you. I've had that happen....

At least the bread wasn't frozen! <img src="smile.gif" width=15 height=15 align=middle>

~Spydernut

CalypsoKid · #7

I don't know about you but I think darkjedi458 is TTO'ing us. darkjedi, can you give us a pic of your head full of bread crumbs?

Hoosierdaddy · #8

I hope it wasn't seven grain bread! IMO seven grain over penetrates and has too much recoil. On the "Wonderbread Index" for one loaf stops it is proven that six grain provides much better expansion which leads to a better stopping power <img src="wink.gif" width=15 height=15 align=middle> ! Seven grain is old school. Also never pull a loaf on someone unless you plan on using it! And make sure it's loaded!

Lsaulog · #9

Agreed. You're lucky. It could have been one of those frozen french bread loaves.

You could have wound up pin-stuck to one of those telephone poles like those "Make Cash Fast" ads.

What's this world coming to. Soon, people might be thowing frozen string beans into a crowd of people at a high rate of speed. Imagine, a dozen people being rushed to the emergency room, impaled by a side serving. I think we ought to create a national registration database compiled of everyone who buys loaves of bread and frozen foods. They would be required to provide finger prints, a passport photo, and any recent coupon clippings. They would be approved or denied based on whether or not they eat fresh or frozen bread.

"Hope for the best. Be prepared for the worst. You'll never be disappointed."

mnblade · #10

This kind of thing is exactly why I carry an Endura instead of a Worker or Police or Viele or Civilian or Centofante. Ever try to smear peanut butter or jam with one of those narrow, pointy blades!?

vlf_11 · #11

that is why i carry my endura and my harpy everywhere because me and my freind westin aka wileysharp was pull on by a guy with a frosty.

Clay Kesting · #12

Some years ago, in the early days of Knifeforums, there was a thread on tactical cookies. The conclusion was that, with careful attention to composition and heat treatment, they would make devastating impact and throwing weapons. My own contribution was the design of a pasta sheath. As the world becomes less tolerant of weapons there is an urgent need for further development of tactical bakery products, for instance a french stick would make an excellent short staff and a hot dog roll could double as a Kubotan. "But officer it's just my lunch".

BTW, darkjedi, I'm very sorry to learn of your experience. It shows that there is also a need to develop a martial arts system based on the use of, and defence against food. Gone are the days when some poor clown just stands there and gets hit in the face with a custard tart.

Clay

"The trouble is that you think you have time."

Edited by - Clay Kesting on 1/17/2002 1:05:38 PM

ruxton · #13

yeah i demand a photo! lets see the proof! headful of breadcrums, the offending loaf laying on the pavement complete with forehead shaped dent, eye witness accounts, theres another thing how come it hasn't appeared in the newspaper yet, oh YEAH presumably you ALSO have the TTO power to control the press. own up you fabricated the entire incident to gain attention! TROLL!!!
MAT

ruxton · #14

(just kidding <img src="wink.gif" width=15 height=15 align=middle>)
MAT

Hoosierdaddy · #15

I think Ruxton is right... He did it to grain attention <img src="wink.gif" width=15 height=15 align=middle> !

Lsaulog · #16

ROFLMAO <img src="tongue.gif" width=15 height=15 align=middle>

Ok guys, my sides are officially hurting from all this laughing...

*Ahem*

So, I also demand a photo of said incident with a loaf of wonder bread.

From now on, I think I'll carry a Spydie Catcherman. This way, if any flying food comes my way, I'll just slice in in half, samurai-style, throw the pieces back at the bad guy(s) and yell something indistinguishable to them so that the english subtitle reads "Hey, you guys come back here so I can slice you to pieces!"

"Hope for the best. Be prepared for the worst. You'll never be disappointed."

Rookie · #17

LOL<img src="tongue.gif" width=15 height=15 align=middle><img src="tongue.gif" width=15 height=15 align=middle><img src="tongue.gif" width=15 height=15 align=middle>

In the land of knives, Spyderco is king.

Kahz · #18

OMG! You guys are demanding a photo after he went through that traumatic experience and without anything to spread on the bread??!! You guys are crude!! <img src="tongue.gif" width=15 height=15 align=middle>

LMAO!! Really, produce a loaf, then we will see what we can attack it with! HOT CHOCOLATE! <img src="smile.gif" width=15 height=15 align=middle>

Kahz

Sword and Shield · #19

It could have been worse...think croutons! Those little buggers are HARD! <img src="smile.gif" width=15 height=15 align=middle>

As for bread ownership, US House of Representatives Bill #119.7.3 is currently addressing bread ownership. Bread of any kind is forbidden to carry concealed, or overtly if it is "criminally enhanced" via toasting.

Ownership of butter or other high-speed, impact enhancing spreads (margarine, PB &J) is now subject to background checks and cannot be carried without a permit. <img src="smile.gif" width=15 height=15 align=middle>

Edited by - Sword and Shield on 1/17/2002 1:36:59 PM

tanto · #20

can i get a spyderco bread knife?