Small EDC (kinda personal, but please read)

[spydutch]

Greetings you all :)

I've waited a while with telling you, but I figured that since you all have been my "family" for the past 2 years, it would be OK.

I have been with my girlfriend for about 6 years now. Before I met her she had run away from a very abusive marriage of 9 years. Besides being physically abused, more often than not she was threatened with a big kitchen knife by her then husband. Because she was afraid, she never put charges. At one point her eldest daughter(who is a bit mentally challenged) started waving around butterknives as well.

As it appears my girlfriend never said anything about my knives in fear of me becoming mad or leaving her. But since she has been in therapy lately, she finally starts to talk a bit about her past. So the other day I talked about my Spydies with her and she admitted that she felt rather uncomfortable with me carrying/playing with my Milie/SE, Police/SE or Endura/SE.

So I showed her a few of my little Spydies and she found the SS D'fly, Cricket and LadybugIII cute. My Delica III/SE is the outer limit.

So there you have it. One of the main reasons I have been carrying the smaller knives lately.

It's rather personal and heavy maybe, but I just wanted to share this with you all anyway.

Thanx very much for reading

[Agent Starling]

thanks for sharing the story, spydutch!

So I showed her a few of my little Spydies and she found the SS D'fly, Cricket and LadybugIII cute. My Delica III/SE is the outer limit.

wow! that's pretty amazing given what you have said about her previous experiences.

Starling

[The Mastiff]

Injuries to the body heal easily compared to ones to the mind. People sometimes hang on to their fears and traumas for life. At least she has recognized it and is working on it. You are doing the right thing IMO. Nothing would be gained by forcing your large knives on her, along with ultimatums. It seems to me like you are a pretty good, understanding, patient person which is what she needs.

I find out real fast who has a problem with dogs when I'm with my mastiff around other people. The ones who seem actually terrified by my dog are typically ones that are still remembering some dog related trauma from childhood, or their early life. These things take time, and sometimes never go away.No matter how well behaved and under control my dog is, it doesn't matter. Good luck. Joe

[Hannibal Lecter]

My Dear Arend,

So I showed her a few of my little Spydies and she found the SS D'fly, Cricket and LadybugIII cute. My Delica III/SE is the outer limit.

Nothing wrong with smaller knives. :D

Your patience and understanding in this situation are commendable. I will mention that if even after the trauma she has suffered she can still find the smaller knives "cute" then she is not a hopeless case. Give her time. She has verbalized her fears and is facing them, and I believe that in time she will be more comfortable with knives in general.

Patience, my friend. Recovery might take a while, but she is quite obviously worth it.

--------
Hannibal

[eastr]

that's a very sad storie sorry to hear that arend at least that is over and sounds like makeing progress to the future best wishes

[The CoPilot]

Sounds like taking things slow is paying off. Keep being understanding and be a compassionate listener! You're on the right track.

[Blades]

:)


Blades

[flyguy]

Nice to hear that you are compromising with her. Thanks for sharing the story. Best of luck to you two. Maybe you should get a pink Spydie to help with the non-intimidation thing.

Edited to ask: Have you felt like you needed a larger blade, now that you're carrying smaller knives?

[Fred Sanford]

You're a good man bro. I'm glad that you're doing that and not just saying "screw you" because she is a bit scared of knives.

I would give up all my knives in a heartbeat if needed for my wife and little girl.

God Bless you and her.

[Sharpy_swe]

Thx for sharing.

[buferoe]

Hi Arend,

Thanks for sharing this story with us.
Give you're girlfriend all the love she deserves and be patience, then al will be well.
You're a great guy, keep up the good work. :)


kind regards,

Werner

[spydutch]

Nice to hear that you are compromising with her. Thanks for sharing the story. Best of luck to you two. Maybe you should get a pink Spydie to help with the non-intimidation thing.

Edited to ask: Have you felt like you needed a larger blade, now that you're carrying smaller knives?

To be honest, not really flyguy.

I just like bigger knives because they come with bigger handles as well which fit my bigger than average hands better

I took my SS Cricket to work with me once and aside from being a bit too thin and slippery for prolonged use, you'd be surprised what that little bugger is up to :cool:

[eljay]

I was close to an abuse survivor and often when they get into therapy things get worse for a while while they're actively dealing with stuff and you just have to wait it out.

You might want to see if handle material makes a difference - some of the more cheerful FRN colors might be better than black as an example. Might not but you might as well ask. Sometimes triggers can be oddly specific and they couldn't even tell you how they're defined until they just see what they're comfortable with or not.

[Puyallupknifegu]

[quote="spydutch"]To be honest, not really flyguy.

I just like bigger knives because they come with bigger handles as well which fit my bigger than average hands better ]


Arend my friend,

I am so glad to hear that your GF is progressing!! My wife has been through some "things" as well, so I understand a bit of the challenge you face. I am very glad to know that you love her enough to be patient with her...especially when it comes to your hobby!!

I took my wife into my local dealer's several times and over the last year or so, she has picked out about a half a dozen knives that she enjoys and carries.
It might help your GF if she has the same option. Maybe if you find her something special like a Pink SE Cricket, or a Burgundy Jester or Pink or something else that could be her own and therefore would see the value of a knife as a tool for her own use and not something to be used against her.

I hope this helps and please tell her that your online family supports not only you, but her as well!!
I'm sure she is not the only GF or wife attached to someone here at the forum that has had very traumatic experiences.

God bless you and your GF, my friend.

Tim :)

[cobrajoe]

Irrational fear of knives is one thing, but this seems very understandable. Glad to hear that you're taking a proactive approach to carry knives that she finds more friendly. If more people knew about stories like this, maybe less people would see knife people as crazy knife weilding psychos.

Just curious, have you shown her your dodo? I was thinking the large handle, small blade would be a great compromise to carrying your bigger blades. Or, you could always have a larger handle made for your cricket :D

[spydutch]

Irrational fear of knives is one thing, but this seems very understandable. Glad to hear that you're taking a proactive approach to carry knives that she finds more friendly. If more people knew about stories like this, maybe less people would see knife people as crazy knife weilding psychos.

Just curious, have you shown her your dodo? I was thinking the large handle, small blade would be a great compromise to carrying your bigger blades. Or, you could always have a larger handle made for your cricket :D

She finds my serrated Dodo's(even the blue one) scary as well.

Yesterday I put my blue Rescue 79mm in front of her together with my Delica 3/SE and she picked out the Rescue as being the most scared :confused: :confused:

That's why I would like a fully serrated Spin so much ]I[/B] draw the line. I'm not giving up my serrations, for no one :D . But if the blade is small enough she doesn't mind serrations that much

[Spydiman]

She finds my serrated Dodo's(even the blue one) scary as well.

Yesterday I put my blue Rescue 79mm in front of her together with my Delica 3/SE and she picked out the Rescue as being the most scared :confused: :confused:

That's why I would like a fully serrated Spin so much ]I[/B] draw the line. I'm not giving up my serrations, for no one :D . But if the blade is small enough she doesn't mind serrations that much

Hmm.... Many people aren't to afraid of "rescue knives" with sheepsfoot blades, brightly colored handles, and SE. You might get some comments, but more curious then scared ones.

Then again, you never no exactly what she went through.

[TheKnifeCollector]

I am truely sorry for what your girlfriend went through!!! I am glad that she is in therapy, and has a sweet guy like you. I will pray for her. I am amazed that you CAN carry any knife around her, with what she has been through.

[Michael Cook]

:spyder: Train MBC with her. Nothing removes the terror of knives faster than training with them. People learn to respect knives then to be empowered by them. Once your lady feels confidant that she could disarm and beat limp her jerk-ex she won't be skittish any more. We're all equally vunerable to a knife's edge and removing the "small vs. large" equasion is also very empowering to women. Also, you'll feel better knowing that she can defend herself. Also, it's a lot of fun. :spyder:

[Agent Starling]

I am truely sorry for what your girlfriend went through!!! I am glad that she is in therapy, and has a sweet guy like you. I will pray for her. I am amazed that you CAN carry any knife around her, with what she has been through.

KnifeCollector I agree with you, and with many who have posted.

Spydutch I admire your compassion and understanding toward your GF. :)

Train MBC with her. Nothing removes the terror of knives faster than training with them. People learn to respect knives then to be empowered by them. Once your lady feels confidant that she could disarm and beat limp her jerk-ex she won't be skittish any more. We're all equally vunerable to a knife's edge and removing the "small vs. large" equasion is also very empowering to women. Also, you'll feel better knowing that she can defend herself. Also, it's a lot of fun.

Michael I think you've hit it spot on, great suggestion. I myself know this to be true because I was afraid of guns in the past and decided this was a fear I needed to do away with. I certainly have tremendous respect for guns but no fear, it was love at first trigger pull for me!!! :D
Yes, and it is true as you state that it is very comforting indeed to know as a woman that there is SOMETHING you can do to equalize your chances of surviving a predator's attack.

Ex Special Agent Starling